Lovestruck #27

Ken looks like a 40-year-old porn star on this cover. He also has an ape-like quality to him in this picture, and appears to want to be anywhere but with Suzanne. Suzanne is super pretty, even though she has a soccer mom hair cut going on.

*Possible unpopular opinion*.......I liked Suzanne. She's supposed to be snobby and horrible, but you know what? She's a lot less snotty than the twins. She's elegant, poised and cultured. She speaks French, knows which utensils to use at a fancy dinner, and loves old movies and classical music. Suzanne is the woman I wish I could be. Yes, I am jealous of a fictional sixteen year old. God help me.

Ok, let me stop raving about Suzanne and begin the recap of this award-winning novel. Ken is an all-star football player, and has been a back ground character for much of the series. It turns out that he's actually a likeable guy (at least compared to many of the other SVH guys. Todd, Nicolas, I'm talkin' bout you).

As was mentioned at the end of my last recap, Ken is failing English and it might keep him from playing in the big game!!!!!!! Apparently the team has zero chance of winning without Ken, which doesn't make a lot of sense to me. Can one team member really carry the whole team like that? Seriously? I don't watch sports so I have no clue how this works. Guess the SVH football team kinda sucks, huh?

I'm freaking out you guys! The game comes right before Sweet Valley's Centennial celebration, and if they lose it'll put a big damper on everything! Personally, I'm more concerned about the fact that Jessica Wakefield is in charge of planning the party. Who put a irresponsible teen girl in charge of a town's hundred year anniversary party? Isn't this something that a group of adults should be doing? Me and my logic.

Jessica is left to plan the party completely by herself when Lila ditches her to go shopping in New York ( I would have done the same). But she seems to be doing okay. She even got Liz and Ken to man the kissing booths.

Wait..kissing booths? I had to stop and google "do kissing booths exist". Apparently they did about 30 years ago, but now people are too worried about catching herpes. Guess that makes sense.

But no one in Sweet Valley would have herpes (especially since no one has sex), so bring on the kissing booths!

We hear a lot about how Suzanne and Ken are just SOOOO wrong for each other. Ken pretends to be interested in Mozart and foreign films, so Suzanne draws the conclusion that he likes that stuff. Sounds pretty damn reasonable. It's also reasonable that Suzanne would think that Ken isn't really into football, since he never tells her how much it means to him. Yet Suzanne is made out to be the bad guy here, as if she's supposed to read his mind. Wtf? Alright, so they're not made for each other. The miscommunication is Ken's fault...he's the one pretending to be something he's not. Maybe Ken isn't so likeable.

But back to Ken's school problem. Creepy Mr. Collins (remember him?) is giving Ken one more chance to pull up his English grade. If Ken can write a good short story, than his grade will go up and he can play football. Town busybody Elizabeth generously offers to help him out (because she's such a talented writer) and even gives Ken one of her private short stories. She's "funny" about her stories and has never shown it to anyone else. Ken must feel so privileged. He tries in vain to write his own story, but keeps getting distracted by Suzanne (who has NO idea that he's failing English. Some relationship! He doesn't tell her anything).

In the midst of all this crap, Liz, Ken and Suzanne go to some poetry reading that Suzanne put together (I swear Suzanne is so classy and awesome. Totally fangirling over here!). Liz makes fun of the poets, thinking, " She knew how much the poem must have meant to the girl, but it just seemed silly". Yeah. But when Liz reads her ahhhhhmazing poem about her mom, the rooms goes silent and everyone is so impressed. I want to reach in the book and strangle her.

The big day rolls around, and the paper is due. Ken accepts an F and doesn't play in the big game. Life goes on.

LOL nah. Actually, Ken puts his name on Liz's short story and turns it in. The story is so great that Mr. Collins wants to print it in the Oracle for the big centennial issue. Of course Liz wrote the greatest story ever told. Bleh. Liz is proud of Ken...until she realizes that the story is hers. Oops.
Liz confronts Ken, and like the doormat she is, she doesn't tell anyone that the story is really hers. After confronting Ken, she feels sorry for him, and hopes that he'll turn himself in.

Rigggght.

In real life, Ken would never turn himself in. But this is Sweet Valley...so he does. Ken writes a story about how he stole Liz's story and tells Liz to put that in the Oracle. It's basically a public confession to the whole school. He gets called into the principle's office, and admits that he stole Liz's story and blah blah blah. He should get in HUGE trouble because plagiarism is a really big deal.

Well he should, but he doesn't. Surprised? Didn't think so. Principle Cooper and super creep Collins are so impressed by Ken's "bravery", that they agree to give him a C for his story and ignore the whole cheating thing. Amazing. I should have been an all-star football player. Actually, I should have gone to Sweet Valley High.

Suzanne still has some common sense left and breaks up with him. She's the only one who calls him what he is, a thief! I'm liking her more and more.
This knocks Ken into reality, and he wonders how the football team is gonna feel about him now.
The football team congratulates him on his amazing bravery, and fellow player Scott Trost calls him a "special person". Gag. Like a group of teenage boys would really act like that? Don't mind me, I'm just bitter.

Suzanne tries to get Ken back after he wins the big game, and he calls her a "bore". Ooooh snap. 
The big centennial party is a huge hit, despite the fact that Jessica serves everyone sandwiches and chips. They raise a ton of money for some charity or something and everyone's happy.

From what I remember, Suzanne doesn't appear much in the series after this. 'Sobs'. But I won't be sad for too long, because the next book is one of my FAVORITES!! It's all about outcast Lynne Henry and it's one of the best SVH books out there. That's not an opinion, it's a fact.

Soooo what's the moral? Don't pretend to be someone else for a girlfriend/boyfriend. Don't steal someone else's story (unless you're a football player). And if someone steals your story, just sit back and wait for them to turn themselves in. I can't wait to apply these lessons to my own life!

#25 Nowhere to run

So I STILL don't have book #24, Memories. I thought I'd wait until I got it...then I got distracted by moving, new job etc. By the way, my brother saw my SVH collection when he was helping me move and he looked at me like I had brain damage. Which I probably do. But screw that, I miss this ridiculous blog! So, on to #25, Nowhere to Run. Don't be fooled by the dramatic title, this book is not all that thrilling.

On the cover we have Emily looking distraught and Saint Liz comforting her. So creative. I don't blame the artist. Not their fault that nearly every book involves Elizabeth comforting/counseling/patronizing someone. Emily is also wayyyy prettier than Liz. Funny how the other characters are often better looking than the legendary Wakefields on the covers.

Naturally the book starts off with the obligatory description of the Wakefield (gorgeous, heart-shaped faces, shiny blond hair yadda yadda yadda). Jessica is described as being on "Jessica Standard Time" which is a cutesy way of saying that she's chronically late to everything and too selfish too care about how that may inconvenience others. People that are always late drive me freaking nuts. Annoying.

The Wakefield grandparents are coming to town, and the twins are super stoked. (Yeah I just used the word stoked. I'm bringin' it back.) While Jessica is gushing over the upcoming grandparent visit, Liz is distracted by Droid's drummer Emily Mayer, who appears to be upset. It's like Elizabeth has a radar for people in distress. Someone is having a problem? I MUST MEDDLE! Em and Droids singer Dana are discussing the baby that Em's step mom just had. Dana thinks it must be fun having a new baby around the house, Emily (and me) disagree. Emily makes a dramatic exit, yelling about how her step mom Karen wants to get rid of her and how she won't let that happen. Liz furrows her brow and acts concerned.

Emily isn't being dramatic-Karen really is out to get her. Ever since she had baby Karrie (don't you love the K theme? Is this where Kris Kardashian got the idea?) she's been threatening to send Emily to boarding school. She's convinced Em's dad that the Droids are too wild (HAHAHAHA) and a bad influence. She's a real-life evil stepmother!

Emily joins the school newspaper to make Karen happy, and ends up pouring her heart out to Liz. Elizabeth does her typical concerned routine and it's all very touching. Yawn. Emily bores me. Liz bores me. I'm bored.

So on to the Wakefield grandparents visit! Grandpa and Grandma Wakefield are charming and perfect..and mama Alice is jealous. Yes, Alice is jealous of the attention her in-laws are getting from the twins. She dramatically tells Ned that she must have been neglecting the twins and that she feels like she's "lost touch" with them. Was she ever in touch with them? Even in the SVKids and Twins books, she wasn't paying much attention to them. The whole thing is stupid. (I don't like this book..is it obvious yet?)

Meanwhile, in Emily-land, Evil Karen is forcing Em to babysit and treating her like an indentured servant. Emily's dad seems to be totally oblivious. The one bright spot in Emily's dreary existence is her blossoming friendship/romance with Droids drummer Dan. I don't think band members dating is a good idea, but hey, I'm freakin' tone deaf so what do I know about these things. ('sobs' I'll NEVER get to be in the Droids! So many crushed dreams.)

Before I go further let me mention that Emily's mom is not dead-that's just what she tells everyone. Truth is, her mom ran off with some other guy. You don't want news like that to get around Sweet Valley- cheating is only okay if you're Jessica Wakefield.

Emily invites Dan over to show him her new drum something or other, and Karen flies off the handle. Psycho Karen screams at her and even calls her a "tramp just like her mother". Dayum. It's super awkward for Dan and he leaves. What's the first thing Emily does after this embarrassing scene? Uh-huh..she calls Elizabeth. Never saw that coming. She goes to the Wakefield home and is comforted by Grandma Wakefield, who is actually pretty likeable. A likeable Wakefield? I must be getting soft in my old age.

Em tries to talk with her dad, who refuses to believe that he married a two-faced monster. She avoids Dan and Dan confides in-barf- Elizabeth. Not a close friend, nope, of course not. Liz should really just open a counseling office at the school. I don't recall SVH having a school counselor...maybe they just figure Liz already does it, so why bother? Liz gives her typical vague, useless advice.

The poor girl is so distraught that she decides to sell her drums, hoping that it will placate Super Bitch Karen. Dan buys the drums "for a friend", because he knows she's gonna regret selling them. Aw that's sweet. I'm actually not being sarcastic.

The major dramatic event of this seemingly never-ending book is when Emily saves baby Karrie from choking. Karrie chokes, Karen starts to lose it, Em slaps her to snap her out of it and performs the Heimlich maneuver on Karrie. Em's dad walks in and sees Karen sobbing and holding the baby, and assumes that Emily tried to hurt Karrie. He acts completely unreasonable and kicks Emily out. I'm starting to understand why Emily's mom ran off with another guy.

Speaking of her mom, Emily is at her wit's end and starts planning to take a bus to Chicago and live with her mother. The plan falls apart when Emily discovers that her mom ran off to Mexico with some guy awhile ago and never bothered to tell her. More boring stuff happens. Emily ends up at the Wakefield home again. Krazy Karen and Em's dad go there to talk to her, and everything is sorted out. They apologize to Emily and they all reunite right there at the magical Wakefield residence. Dan surprises Emily with her drums, and they admit to liking each other, I guess. I wasn't really paying attention.

Throughout this engaging novel there's some more crap about how Alice is jelly over all of the attention grandpa and grandma are getting. Dumb. The twins pick up on this and have a special dinner or something to soothe Alice's hurt feelings. Once again, dumb.

Thank God this book is over. I already know the next book is gonna be much better because it involves Regina and a cray cray hostage situation! Bring it on!

Moral of this lame story? Don't save your baby half-sister from choking because your dad will blame you. Don't be too nice to your grandparents, cause' your mom will get jealous. Don't sell your drum set!

Sweet Valley Saga: The Fowlers of Sweet Valley

I don't have book #24 Memories( yet) so this is the perfect excuse to recap another Sweet Valley Saga!! This is the best SVS, in my opinion (and as a Sweet valley expert, you should trust my opinion). How could it not be the best? It's all about Lila! Well, the ancestors of Lila.

I used to love this cover so much when I was a kid. Okay, I still love it. It's so dramatic and pretty! The women on the panel appear to be (in order from top to bottom) Lili, Rose, Isabelle (or Grace? I never was sure who that was supposed to be) annnnnd LILA! When you open the cover, you see Celeste and Marc kissing, and later welcoming a baby into the world. There's Lili about to have her head cut off by angry peasants, and something else is happening in the upper left corner, but that stupid bar code blocks it. I will always resent that damn bar code.

This SVS starts off the way a Fowler Saga should-with a snobby, rich girl ordering her maid around.
 The snobby girl is none other than Lili de Beautemps, the french 1789 version of Lila. Lili's maid, Marie Oiseleur is helping her get ready for her debutante ball (I've always wanted to have a debutante ball! Is it too late to have one at 25?).

Marie doubles as Lili's childhood best friend, and her family has been working for the Beautemps for generations. Like our lovely Lila, Lili's mother is not in her life. She died when Lili was a child, and now it's just Lili and her brothers. Lili is, of course, the most beautiful girl at her ball, and she even gets to dance with the prince! Sigh, Lili is living my dream.

But not for long! History fans already know that 1789 was the start of a little thing called the French Revolution. Marie and her brother, Georges both attempt to warn Lili and tell her to leave before it's too late. Lili shrugs off their warnings and is caught by surprise when a group of angry peasants storms her home and imprisons her family. The mob than takes them to the guillotine and beheads Lili's brother and father. Before they can chop off Lili's head, Georges arrives on horseback and saves her. Romantic! Why can't a cute french guy show up on a horse and save me from the guillotine? Some girls get all the luck.

Lili's luck doesn't last long. Georges drops her off in near a small town and tells her that he can't stay with her, They gaze into one another's eyes and realize that they're in love. But alas, Georges needs to get back to revolting, and Lili has to begin a new life.

Fast forward to 1792, and Lili is a dressmaker living in a rented basement. Lili runs into an old family friend, Madame Fouchette, and is invited to a fancy rich people party. One problem...Lili's not rich anymore! But thanks to Lili's lies (she tells everyone that she's living with a well-off Aunt and Uncle) no one has to know that. At the party, Lili meets the dashing Count Matthieu Bizac.

After a few months of dating (and Lili borrowing tons of money from her BFF Babette) the charming Count proposes. They honeymoon in Italy and it's all tres romantique. But, once again Lili's luck runs out. The Count abandons her, leaving her at a hotel! Lili searches high and low, but Matthieu is gone for good. She finally goes to Madame Fouchette, who tells her that Matthieu is already married, and whatever ceremony he had with Lili was a fraud. Apparently he's done this to other women, and will probably do it again.

 So, no one decided to let Lili in on this before they got "married"? That's pretty effed up.
Even though they were never married, they "lived as man and wife" and Lili is now pregnant.

Embarrassed, Lili  refuses to go back to her old friends (Did she ever pay Babette back? I've always wanted to know, for some reason) or old job. Pregnant and alone, poor Lili struggles just to eat everyday, until the friendly Marie Chardin begins bringing her food. Marie and her husband own the boulangerie, which according to Google, is a French bakery. Things seem to be looking up for Lili, until she dies in childbirth. Before she dies, Lili names the baby Celeste and asks Marie to raise her. Lili's life was pretty damn depressing! I need a Prozac after reading that.

Hey, whatever happened to Georges, you ask?  If you're like me, you forgot all about him.
Well, Georges has been busy thriving while Lili was struggling, and is now a rich landowner. He has the property deed for Lili's old family estate and has made it his life's mission to return the estate to Lili, and marry her. In his searches, Georges finds out about Lili's fake marriage, resulting pregnancy, and death. Distraught, he vows to find Lili's child and give them their rightful inheritance.

1809. It's Celeste's 16th birthday, and she celebrates with her adoptive family, the Chardins. The book makes it clear that Celeste is incredibly beautiful "Physically, she was like a swan among more humble fowl". Nice.

Celeste won't be hanging around the "humble fowl" for much longer. She's off to work as a maid for the snotty Lafitte family and their even snottier daughter, Emilie. Emilie is a royal bitch, and just reading about her annoyed me. She even has a bell that she rings whenever she wants Celeste's help. And I thought kids today were spoiled! Her mom and dad aren't a whole lot better.

But guess who's friends with the Lafittes? Georges, of course! What a total coincidence! Even more coincidental, Georges spots Celeste and senses that there's something special about her. He begins anonymously giving her gifts and paying Emilie's tutor, Solange, to educate her. Celeste can't believe her luck, and wonders who her benefactor is.

It's been about 20 pages without any mention of romance, and that is unacceptable in a Sweet Valley book! Time for a love story! Emilie's brother Marc has been away at school, and when he returns he falls in love with none other than Celeste. They makeout a whole lot, and fall in luv. But their love can never be. The Lafittes would disown Marc if he married a servant girl! Marc doesn't care, and asks Celeste to marry him anyway. He wants to give up his inheritance and run away with her! SO ROMANTIC. It's clear that I need to move to 1800's era France. All I need is a plane and a time machine. Let's make it happen!

Celeste spoils the romantic-ness by refusing to marry Marc. She won't let him give up his fortune for her. Marc is not dissuaded, and tells his parents that he wants to marry Celeste. His parents are scandalized, and throw Celeste out of the house.

As Celeste does the 1800's version of  walk of shame, she comes across Georges, who offers her a ride home. On the way, Georges asks her about her family history and Celeste tells him about her mother's death. Things get super crazy when she shows Georges the picture in her locket, and the pic is of Lili! Celeste is the person Georges has been looking for this whole time! (Why am I so excited? I knew that.)

Celeste is now richer than the Lafitte family, and is cleared to marry Marc. If I were her, I'd want to move far, far away from Marc's awful family!

Skip to 1865. Celeste is a grandma! Her only child Claude and his wife have had a baby and named her Rose. The book reminds us that Celeste is still a great beauty in her old age (We couldn't have an ugly grandma in a Sweet Valley book, now could we?!). Even baby Rose is beautiful, with purple eyes and "flaming red hair" (Do people actually have purple eyes? I only knew one person with purple eyes, and hers were contacts).

It's now 1880 (time flies in Sweet Valley Saga world) and Rose is 15. She's also incredibly annoying. The ghostwriter tries to paint her as spirited and fun, but she's just really annoying.
Did I mention that Rose was my least favorite character in this Saga?

Rose hangs out with her BFF Pierre Oiseleur and I can't see why he'd want to be friends with her. She pushes him into doing mischievous things and throws a tantrum when he tells her that he is leaving for boarding school. Does his last name sound familiar? That's because he's the grandson of Georges, who married Celeste's tutor Solange right around the time Celeste married Marc. Pierre must have really low self-esteem (and terrible taste in women) because he's in love with Rose, who claims to not be interested in marriage (or him) at all.

Everyone from grandma Celeste to Rose's friends to me think that she is secretly in love with Pierre, but Rose refuses to admit it. The ghostwriter tells us over and over again how Rose is different than other girls. She's into politics and books! She's so intellectual and independent!
Barf. We get it.

Time flies again to 1885, and Rose is now 20. She's living on her own and attending college in Paris.
She wear pants (because she's different, remember?) and hangs around with a bunch of artists and "radicals". Pierre warns her about one of these friends, a gentleman named Leo who's known for breaking hearts. Rose declares "If he breaks my heart, so what?"
On the very next page, Rose is at Pierre's doorstep crying over Leo. He was seeing two women behind her back! "So what?" (Can't you feel all of the sympathy I have for Rose? I can't wait until her part of the book is over.)

Poor, deluded Pierre hopes that maybe Rose will see what a good guy he is, and return his love. Rose crushes his dreams and announces that she is swearing off men entirely. Time to move on Pierre, she really isn't that great of a catch.
Pierre finallllllly gets it when he proclaims his love for Rose, and she rejects him. She has doubts about it after, but pushes them out her mind. She's going to show the world what a woman can do without a man!

Jump to 1888, and Rose is heading home to see her parents, who are having a big party for the Oiseleur family. The Oiseleurs have something big to announce!
Rose spends extra time getting ready for the party, because Pierre will be there. Yes folks, Rose has at last admitted to herself that she's in love with Pierre!
Fortunately for Pierre (He seems too nice to get stuck with Rose) Rose's timing stinks. The big announcement is that Pierre is getting married!

Rose is heartbroken, and holds back tears throughout the engagement dinner and wedding. Once again, I have zero sympathy for her. Thankfully we're almost done with Rose, so I'll stop complaining soon. Rose goes on to marry an unfortunate man named Robert Eastman, and they have a child together named Isabelle.

Isabelle (Thank God) is pretty much the opposite of Rose. We don't have to hear about how "independent" and "different" she is every two seconds, and I couldn't be happier. However, the ghostwriter just couldn't resist reminding us that "at almost fifty, Rose was still a strikingly beautiful woman". Sweet Valley characters only get more gorgeous as they age! Where do I get that super power?

16 year old Isabelle goes to her first dance and meets a nice young man named Charles Doret...but the guy she really wants is (You're never gonna believe this!) Jacques Oiseleur. Yup, he's the second cousin (or something) of Pierre! These Sagas really love to pair the same families together generation after generation, don't they?

Charles and Jacques are both in the French Army, and they're best friends. Charles is such a good friend, that he doesn't mind when Isabelle and Jacques become a couple.
But 'sigh', it's 1914 and France is about to go to war with Germany! Isabelle and Jacques get married before he leaves for war, without telling her parents. Romantic!
Even more romantic, Isabelle starts volunteering at a army hospital in Paris everyday after school. Okay, so maybe that's not so romantic.

Even less romantic, Charles soon delivers the news that Jacques has died in battle. Hey, wasn't there another Jacques that died in a war? Poor Isabelle faints when she hears the news, and is utterly devastated. I actually feel bad for her, because she's not totally irritating like her mother.
After a few years, Charles asks Isabelle to marry him, even though he knows that she will always love Jacques. Charles reasons, "I'll love you enough for the both of us".

Oh Charles. That is not a good thing to base a relationship on.
It works out okay, until SURPRISE! Jacques isn't really dead! Turns out he was just a prisoner of war. When the war ends he comes home to find his wife married to his best friend. Awkward. Jacques is so mad that he gets on the next boat to America.
Charles and Isabelle are shocked, but eventually decide that they need to start over, and they move to America as well. Guess where they move? I'll give you one guess (I bet you'll never get it).

Sweet Valley!

And guess who else is in Sweet Valley? That's right- Jacques. Only now he goes by the name Jack Fowler. So you can see where this is going.
Charles is mayor of Sweet Valley, and he and Isabelle live comfortably until she sees Jack walking down the street. She nearly faints, and the town gossip, Evelyn Pierce (So being a gossip is genetic?) is right there to catch her.

According to the ever-helpful Evelyn, Jack is a "vagabond" and "poor and rough as could be". Sounds kind of sexy, amirite ladies?!? How the hell did they all end up living in Sweet Valley? Seriously, one town out of how many towns in the U.S.A? Really?

Charles has known about this insane coincidence for months, and tried to make peace with Jack, but Jack wasn't having it. Isabelle sneaks over to Jack's ranch to make amends, and he forgives her, but still hates Charles. He tells her that he doesn't love her anymore, and to go home to her husband.  So....guess things aren't going to work out between Jack and Isabelle?

We're teleported to 1952, and Charles and Isabelle have a grandchild (they had two daughters and two sons) named Grace. Charles is still mayor of Sweet Valley, and has become rich from his manufacturing company. Isabelle is "still the most strikingly beautiful woman in Sweet Valley", in case you were worried. Charles is still bitter about Isabelle's love for Jack, and is doing some kind of mayor-zoning-law-thing to block Jack from selling his ranch and making a fortune.

Jack is married to some chick named Anita and has three kids and one grandson, George. Jack is broke because of Charles' zoning-law-thing and vows "the bad blood between us will never die".

Almost 20 years later, George Fowler is an adult and starting his own computer company. He runs into-guess who!-Grace Doret on the beach, and sparks fly. He doesn't realize that she's the granddaughter of his family enemies until they go out for dinner at a clam bar (yuck). They both decide it's no big deal (And you know it's definitely going to be a huge deal). OMG it's like Romeo and Juliet!

Another minor issue: Grace is engaged to Everett Garrison the Third. Oops.
Even after she tells George this, they continue to date and fall in love. Things come to a halt when Grace's parents catch them making out. Uh oh! Her parents threaten to disown her, and spineless Grace dumps George and agrees to go forward with her wedding to Everett. At their wedding party, Grace gets some good advice from Grandma Isabelle "Marry the one you love."
I guess Isabelle should know....

Grace leaves the party to sob hysterically outside, when George appears and proposes to her!
George and Grace elope to Paris, but before they leave George's company buys out Charles' company's stock, or something like that. Charles is pissed, and he's even more pissed when he finds out that Grace has run away with George.

A number of years later, Grace gives birth to Lila (yay!) and even though her parents still aren't speaking to her, grandma Isabelle shows up to meet her great-grandchild. Jack Fowler arrives, and he and Isabelle share a sad but kinda romantic moment. They're still in love after all of these years, and Isabelle's marriage to Charles has been "a bitter disappointment". Ouch. They find comfort in the fact that now, the Dorets and Oiseleurs-I mean, Fowlers-are together again.
And most importantly, this union produced Lila Fowler, the best character Sweet Valley has EVER HAD EVER.

If you've read the SVH books (or any of my amazing, fabulous recaps) than you know that Grace and George don't stay together for much longer. George works too much, and Grace feels abandoned. George is livid when Grace takes Lila to see her parents, who have finally decided realized that seeing their grandchild is more important than a decades-old family feud. Grace is fed up and goes to stay with her parents, taking Lila with her.

In a seriously screwed up move, George sues her for custody, and as you know, he wins. Grace runs off to France, and Lila ends up with some pretty serious mommy issues.
The Saga ends with 16 year old Lila dealing with the fallout from John Pfeifer sexually assaulting her. George knows that Lila needs her mother, and asks Grace to come back and help. Grace comes back and she and George reunite! The reunion story is covered in more detail in the Evil Twin miniseries, which I cannot wait to recap because SERIOUSLY that miniseries is CRAZY.

And so, like all the Sagas, this has a happy ending. Awww, I think I feel my ice-cold heart melting. Just a little.

#23 Say Goodbye

This cover isn't too bad. Granted, Todd and Elizabeth both have majorly poufy hair, but hey it was the 80's!

It's happening. The tragic, the inevitable, the absolute worse thing that has ever happened to Sweet Valley!

Todd is moving to Vermont 'sobs'.

Okay, you got me. I don't really care. Actually, I'm pretty thrilled because it means there will be no Liz and Todd drama in the upcoming books! Woohoo! This book should have been annoying, (A whole book about Elizabeth missing Todd? Barf.) It wasn't, thanks to Jessica's disastrous matchmaking efforts.

Now, Jessica is often attempting to play matchmaker, (or couple breaker-upper), but this time, she's a professional. Yes, dear readers, our selfish Jessica got a job! Jess ran up a $100 bill at Lisette's, and amazingly the Wakefield parents make her to get a job to pay for it. Hell has officially frozen over! Jess gets a job at a matchmaking company, answering phones...but we know that's not all she's going to do! (Where can I get a job like this? )

So Todd leaves, and Liz is a total mess. She writes to him every day and spends all of her free time pining over him and waiting for him to call. Everyone from Enid to her parents discourage her from having a long distance relationship with Todd, but she refuses to listen. It's almost enough to actually make me feel bad for Liz....almost. The important part is, Todd is gone! If I had more than one friend, I'd throw a party to celebrate.

Jessica is having her own problems though. And by problems, I mean that Jessica has a problem with Steve not dating anyone, and Liz moping over Todd. How dare they not go on dates with different people every weekend? The absolute nerve!

Jessica sets out to solve these troubling issues in the only way Jessica can, by scheming and sneaking around. When her boss steps out, Jess sneaks into her private office and starts going through all of the dating profiles to find the perfect woman for Steve, until her boss catches her. Does the boss fire her? Reprimand her? Oh no, of course not. The incredibly understanding boss actually gives Jess the keys to the office and invites her to look through the profiles anytime she wants. (seriously, how can I get this job?!)

Lucky Steven! Now our dear Jessica can find the perfect woman for him. Except Steven does not want her help-at all. He makes that pretty clear early in the book:
"Do me a favor, Jess. Don't help me again! I'm probably better off on my own."
Jessica completely ignores this, thinking to herself:
"He's so good looking"
Jessica decides that super hot Steve doesn't know what's good for him, and that by "don't help me", he meant "please Jessica, help me find a date!"

But wait, Liz needs Jess's help too! Jessica starts talking to Nicholas Morrow (you may remember him as the guy that guilted Liz into going on a date with him) Jess convinces Nic that Liz needs someone new in her life, and that new person is him! She compares Liz's love of Todd to smoking, telling Nic: "She got really dependent on him, and now she's having withdrawal symptoms"
Trust me Jess, cigarettes are much more exciting than Todd Wilkins.

Jessica even enlists the help of Mr. Collins, convincing him to give Liz an assignment to write a story on the upcoming sailing competition-which Nicholas is going to be competing in! With Jessica's encouragement, Nicholas calls Liz and offers her a ride to the competition. Elizabeth agrees, telling herself that Nic doesn't like her like that anymore, and that it's just a friendly gesture. Right.

This "friendly gesture" quickly turns romantic when Nicholas tells Liz that his boat has two names: the public name, Seabird and the private name, My favorite twin.
Gee, don't come on too strong or anything, Nic.

Liz is both uncomfortable and intrigued. Is Jessica's plan actually working? Guess so, because Liz agrees to go to a BBQ for Nic's cousin, Jeffrey. Jess "considered falling in love with him for a wild moment", but decided against it because Jeffrey is not rich. You dodged a bullet, Jeff!

Jess's plan is definitely not working with Steve, possibly because she picked a random 43 year old woman and didn't tell Steve that she was setting him up. She tells this poor woman that Steve was chosen for her by the matchmaking service, and instructs her to call Steve. Steve is totally confused and declines going on a date with her. This doesn't deter Jessica, who finds another woman from the matchmaking service, and tells her to show up at their house on Saturday.

How desperate are these women? If a matchmaking service told me to show up at some random guy's house without even speaking to him beforehand...well I might say yes, because I'm pretty desperate right now.

But let's get back to Elizabeth's dilemma. Despite all of the obvious signs that Nicholas wants more, Liz somehow convinces herself that he just wants to be friends. She even goes to a movie with him, and he kisses her after! Gasp, what would Todd think?! Well, being the doormat that he is, Todd would probably think "It's ok, I'll take you back".

Liz isn't sure about seeing Nicholas again, until Todd suddenly stops calling and writing for a week. After only a week, yes a week, of not hearing from Todd, Liz decides to start dating Nicholas. Jess is already fantasizing about what will happen when Liz and Nic get together, picturing the Morrow family naming a wing in their house "the Jessica wing" after her. Because people name things after you when you set them up with the amazing Elizabeth Wakefield.

But why did Todd disappear? You know this has something, (okay, everything), to do with Jessica! Jess answers the phone one day when Todd calls, and literally cries about how depressed Liz is, how she never leaves her room and is slacking on her schoolwork. Todd feels horrible and decides to back off. So instead of talking it over with Liz, he just ignores her. Smart.

Why does anyone in SVH still trust Jessica?! She's been proven to be a liar time and time again. Really, were they all dropped on their heads as babies?

Speaking of stupidity, the woman from the matchmaking service shows up at the house-and SHOCKER, Steven is not interested! Steve finds out that she's from the matchmaking service, that Jess works at, and is super angry. Naturally, Jessica's reaction is to set Steve up with one more woman from the agency, Melissa . Buttt when she tries to badger this woman into dating Steve, her response is " I've decided I prefer food to men." Good move, Melissa.

Don't worry too much about Steve's love life though (I know it was your top concern). Steve runs into Cara Walker when she's stuck with a flat tire on the highway. He helps her out, takes her to coffee after, and sparks fly! Cara's parents are getting divorced, and that has apparently made her less shallow and more appealing to Steve. Now I can rest easy, knowing that Steve will love again.

However, Betsy (you may remember her from Promises) is not pleased with this. She sees Steve with Cara at Lila's party, (did I mention there was a party? Well, there is.), and gets angry. She's pissed that Steve has "the nerve to carry on with someone else so soon after Trish". Hey, at least he waited a good 11 books to start dating again after Tricia's death. I mean, has she seen how quickly everyone else in SVH moves on from relationships???

As for Todd and Liz, Todd is back in town, (damn, already?), for the weekend. Todd's going to Lila's party to talk to Elizabeth. Problem is, Liz is going to the party with Nicholas! Uh oh! Liz wants to break things off with Nic because she still loves Todd, but she figures it would be best to do it after the party. After all, parties are SO rare in Sweet Valley, and she wouldn't want to mess up this party for Nic! As you may have guessed, things go bad. Todd walks in to see Liz slow-dancing with Nicholas and resting her head on his shoulder. The second she sees Todd, Liz pushes Nic away and runs after him. I'd feel bad for Nicholas, but I'm still not over how annoying he was in this book. No sympathy for you, Nic!

Todd stomps away and Liz has a major emotional breakdown. Elizabeth finds Todd, and
they have yet another sappy reunion-well kind of. They agree that they're still in love, but that they can't maintain the long-distance thing. Good, now we can stop hearing about Todd for the next few books. Dreams do come true!

We wrap up the book with Lila telling the twins that Betsy made a scene at her party. Former town tramp Betsy went up to Steve and Cara and freaked out, accusing him of forgetting about Tricia. Will Betsy stand in the way of Steve and Cara's budding love story?!? I'm dying to find out, and I know you are too!

Moral? If your boyfriend moves to Vermont, don't even bother with the long distance thing-especially if your boyfriend is anywhere near as dull as Todd Wilkins,
Don't use your matchmaking job to set your brother up with random women!
Good, solid life lessons. Thanks again, Sweet Valley!

Checking in

Don't worry , I haven't abandoned the blog! (again). I have just been busy with the holidays and I will be doing my next glorious recap soon! The next recap is going to be Too much in love, which I have never read..so I look forward to reading about Bill and Dee Dee's relationship drama! I'm guessing that Elizabeth will intervene somehow, and Jessica will probably be in the B plot or making things worse for Bill and Dee Dee somehow. Psychic!

Special Christmas

It's almost Christmas, so I'm doing this book a little early (actually I just don't have the next book, Too Much in Love yet, and I'm bored. Shhh.).

Jessica appears to be doing some type of dance while squinting one eye, and the color of her shirt is a really icky shade of pink. Elizabeth has her standard barrettes, and both twins have these odd half-surprised, half stoned looks on their faces.
This is the first of many Christmas-times to come in SVH (and they're all in one junior year, in typical time-is-irrelevant SVH fashion). This Super Special takes place a few months after Todd has moved to Vermont (Say Goodbye ) and Todd is coming back to visit all of his friends and Liz for the holidays. For some reason, Elizabeth has to make herself a nervous wreck over "where she and Todd stand" and what to get him for Christmas. Gosh, even when we think Todd is gone, they find some way to include Liz and Todd drama.

But there's really no reason to even bother with the tired Elizabeth and Todd Saga, because the real excitement is the news that Alice and Ted drop on their kids before Christmas break starts...
Suzanne Devlin is spending vacation with them!

For those who don't know who Suzanne is, she is the gorgeous daughter of some random rich friends of Ned and Alice that live in New York. Last time she came for a visit, she falsely accused Mr. Collins of sexually assaulting her, stole Elizabeth's lavaliere necklace, and was just all-around super fake bitch in Too Good To Be True.

When they get the news that the she-devil is back, Steve, Jess and even doormat Liz are all against her coming, and loudly object. The only excuse Ned and Alice have is that "she insisted". But there seems to be something more about Suzanne's visit then they are letting on.

The three of them dub themselves the "terrible trio" (SO lame) and start thinking of ways to keep Suzanne from coming and ruining their vacation. As if they don't get enough vacations. First plan is to have Elizabeth call Suzanne and try to convince her not to go. Suzy absolutely insists on coming out there and making things right, and gushes about how sorry she is, so that plan's a big fail.

The "terrible trio" comes up with another plan, they'll run Suzy out of town! And how will they do this, you ask? Simple, act like assholes towards her and ignore her until she realizes how unwelcome she is and leaves. Liz wimps out pretty quickly when she notices that Suzy seems sick, and is civil to her.
Jessica enlists the help of Aaron Dallas and others to torment Suzanne with mean "presents", such as notes with the letters all cut out from newspapers saying "SUZY DEVLIN GO HOME". Geez, guess she really rubbed some people the wrong way.

Jessica was in New York visiting the Devlins (and trying to steal Suzanne's boyfriend at the time, with bad results) during Suzanne's visit and never met her, but heard everything that happened while she was gone. Never mind that in the end of Too Good To Be True, Liz tells Jess nothing about what happened. Guess someone told her, 'cause even though she's never met the girl, she already hates her and is ready to make her time in Sweet Valley hell.

There's a dumb little side-story with all of SVH doing this "secret Santa" thing.  I've never heard of an entire school doing this. Maybe a class, but the whole school? Anyway, this results in some pretty lame displays and gifts, such as Enid's secret Santa Bill Chase having the whole swim team, (including himself), serenade her at the Dairi Burger. Or one of Lila's gifts, an issue of vogue with a ribbon around it left on her doorstep.

Oh, and Jessica is super sure that her secret Santa is sexy exchange student Hans (who?) but it's Winston Eggbert. Haha. Turns out Lila got Hans. Hans is a one hit wonder, never to be seen at SVH again.

A not-so-interesting plot twist, turns out Suzanne and Todd met in Vermont ,(where Todd now lives), when she was on vacation and they hung out for a little while. Todd has asked Suzanne not to say anything to Liz, and he's been acting weird around Suzy since she got there.

Elizabeth can sense that she and Todd aren't the way they used to be, and is ready to accept the end of their relationship. I'm sure we're all ready for that. She confides in good old Enid, and Enid's response is:

"Boy, it's kind of hard to imagine you and Todd having problems. You always seemed like the dream couple to me."
Really, Enid? No, seriously? Is she blind?

Our darling schemer Jess comes up with another plan, this time involving Aaron Dallas. Suzanne had left Aaron a message earlier, saying she wanted to take him out for lunch and apologize for her past behavior. Jessica gets Aaron to call her back and invite her to a fake party at an abandoned address in the middle of nowhere. Jess is sure this will send Suzanne running home. Liz has the standard Elizabeth Wakefield heart-to-heart with Suzanne, decides that old Suzy isn't so bad, and convinces Jess to back off.

 Butttt just as Jessica is about to cancel the Aaron Dallas scheme, she hears Suzanne and Todd chatting on the phone. She decides that Suzy only came out there because she knew Todd would be there, and she's planning to steal him from Liz! Jess is furious, because only she is allowed to steal men from her twin.

So the plan is back on!

Suzy drinks some champagne (!) with Todd and the "terrible trio". She then gets a call from Aaron telling her that she has to drive down to meet him. Suzy hesitates, but ends up taking the Fiat down to what she thinks is a party (or dance, or something? I wasn't paying attention). One minor detail here, Suzanne just happened to start taking a new medication that night. Since her doctor didn't answer her call, she assumes one drink with it is fine. But dun dun dunnn...it's not!

There's a call from the doc and all hell breaks loose. Suzanne can't even have one drink on this new medication or she might DIE! OMG. (side note-is that possible? To die from one drink mixed with a medication? I'm genuinely curious.) The Wakefields rush off to find her, and of course Jess moans about how guilty she feels. Sound familiar? Along the way we learn that Suzanne has Multiple Sclerosis and didn't want anyone to know because then they would feel obligated to forgive her.

We end up at the hospital, where Suzanne is recovering from a car crash brought on by the med and alcohol mixing. Suzy is mostly fine and she gets apologies from the twins and everyone else. Then something big happens-Suzanne doesn't have MS! She actually has some kind of central nerve infection that they mistook for MS. The Sweet Valley swim team sings 'Silent Night' and all is well. I cry tears of joy.

Oh and Todd Like Likes Suzy. And she Like Likes him back! Liz is totally cool with all of this, and everyone's happy. I don't think Todd and Suzanne's romance, (or Suzanne, period) ,are ever mentioned again.

There's also some kind of sorta-B story that ends with Jessica tricking Lila into passing out candy to kids dressed as an Elf (wearing a green trash bag, no less). I can't think of a worse punishment....Jessica is a truly evil person. Oh, the humanity!

Moral of Special Christmas? Christmas comes approximately 25 times a year if you live in Sweet Valley! Also, Christmas is the ideal time to apologize to all of the people you accused of sexual assault, stole from and lied to. I'll keep that in mind. Thanks, SVH!

Runaway #21

Yup the pic was taken on a pack of canned peas. I love my peas. Oh it feels so good to be back! I already started this re cap quite awhile ago, and now I'm gonna finish it. I'm even re-reading the book for accuracy. This is serious stuff, people.

According to this cover, "Jessica has had enough!". Yes, clearly Jessica has had enough of nice clean clothes. Just look at what she's wearing! That grey sweater just screams dirty! And this is the stylish twin? Other then that, Jess doesn't look half bad on this cover (she looks a lot younger then some covers where they have her looking 35).

So what Jessica has reallly had enough of is her twin Elizabeth's never-ending perfection. Fair enough, I think anyone reading these books either hates Liz, or strongly dislikes her most of the time. This plot actually started in the last book (Crash Landing!), when Liz got their parents a better anniversary gift then Jess, and just generally showed her up throughout the book.

Steve (borrrrring) is taking a break from school due to his depression over Tricia's death, and Elizabeth thinks that the best way to cheer him up would be to drag him to Cara's party. Who knows why, since he doesn't even like Cara. In another dumb move, Elizabeth insists that Jessica be the one to invite him..even though he's already annoyed at Jess for trying to set him up with Cara before.

Predictably, Steve gets his panties all in a bunch and basically accuses Jessica of being insensitive. Elizabeth has to come a smooth things over and convince Steve to go. Steve goes as Jessica's date (seems fitting after reading the semi-creepy exchange between them in this book), and neither of them are thrilled to be at this party.

BTW, There's a random moment (before the party), at the Dairi Burger with Cara and Jessica (I guess Jess is trying to convince Cara that Steve is cool or something...I don't care.). And in walks Nicky Shepard with his "gang". They're bad. They're real bad. They hang out at the Shady Lady bar across the street! There's drug rumors! Nicky drives a fast car and he has "rugged good looks". You know he's a rebel. He approaches their table, (who could resist a Wakefield??!), and charms Jess. Not hard, all he had to do was tell her that she was cooler then Liz.

Why is this important? Because Nicky shows up at Cara's party. Jess is being mopey because everyone isn't feeding her narcissism for once, and Nicky charms her once again. This time, they sneak off to be alone. Then they start hooking up, and one thing leads to another...ha! Kidding, kidding. This is Sweet Valley, folks. What they actually do is have a "deep" conversation. Nicky even says he "likes being sad". Deep.

Liz continues to be annoying and make Jess look bad by being..well herself. When Nicky and Jess dance, (the whole party is aghast by this display of rebellion), and leave together, Liz and Steve get parental. Geez they're so annoying. I mean Liz even discusses Jess's "behavior" with Mom and Pop Wakefield. I'd run away too, Jess. Oops, gave away the surprise ending!

The family continues to crap all over Jess, making fun of her when she tries to make dinner and treating her like an annoying child. Though to be fair, she is pretty damn childish. Also, there's a back story involving a custody battle and Ricky Capaldo (remember him?), I can't bring myself to care, and I refuse to torture readers with it. You're welcome.

So fast forward through all this crap, and we get to Nicky reaching his breaking point. His parents don't seem to like him much and he's got friends "in business" in San Francisco. He finallllllly Runs Away. About damn time. Surprisingly, Jess decides to follow suite. Did you see that coming? I'm shocked, I tell you. And you know Jess couldn't leave for the Run Away Express, (my snazzy name for the bus), without leaving a melodramatic note. Oh, and stealing some of Liz's clothes. For someone who says Liz isn't stylish, she sure seems to steal her clothes a lot.

So blah blah blah blah, Jess regrets it the second she boards the Run Away Express. Because who could live away from Sweet Valley and be happy? I know not living in SV is the main cause of my troubles. Liz and Steve track her down, and they reunite. Promises are made to treat each other better, and there's a sappy "home is where the heart is " type message. I'm touched. Jess writes a letter to Nicky, and promptly forgets all about him.

 We end with Miss Nosy, (Liz, if you didn't guess), speculating about Dee Dee and Bill's relationship. OMG are they gonna be okay?!?!?!? We find out in our next story, Too Much In Love

Morals. Don't one-up your twin sister. Don't hang out with bad boys, even if they are "ruggedly handsome". Umm...stay in school? Don't ignore your SVH blog for nearly two years?

If you stuck with me through that, thanks for reading and leave a comment. Your opinions on these issues matter!

Back from the dead!

Yes the Wide World of Sweet Valley is back! I am determined to finish this important series now that I have the time, because what could be a better use of my free time? Bring on the awful plots, the one-dimensional characters and everything else that embodies Sweet Valley!

All sarcasm aside, I'm genuinely excited to re-start this blog. I truly enjoy the Sweet Valley series and if readers like my re caps, then I'll do ALL of the various spin-offs (yes, that even includes the terrible Senior Year series. I'm a masochist.)

Love Letters #17

Caroline looks like she's a few french fries short of a happy meal on this cover, and kinda hamster-ish. Elizabeth looks constipated and nosy.

Let me start by saying that I often find Caroline annoying (and I'm not the only one), but I liked this book a lot. It had a fake boyfriend disaster and no Todd and Elizabeth B.S. Good enough for me!
So, Caroline is feeling alienated and lonely because she has no real friends and her cool older sister ignores her. This is probably due to the fact that she is the biggest gossip ever and super nosy.

Instead of realizing this, she invents an over-the-top romantic boyfriend who lives two hours away named Adam, and writes letters to herself that are supposedly from "Adam".

Because she's lazy and not such a great writer, she copies the letters from the books of poet Robert Browning's love letters to his love Elizabeth. Convienently, our own Elizabeth is doing a play in some kind of competition, with those exact letters from the books. This comes in later on in the story.

These letters were written a looong time ago, so they don't sound anything like letters a sixteen-year-old boy would write anyway...
"My dearest, inexpressibly dearest, Caroline. Your flower is the one flower I have seen, or see, or shall see. When it fades I will bless it till it shines again."

And for some reason, all of the girls buy this crap and really think Caroline has some uber-romantic guy in love with her.

The only one who isn't totally convinced is Jessica. I thought Lila would be more skeptical, but she seems to buy the story for awhile. Jess is determined to prove that Caroline's a liar, and she gets Lila to plan a party in honor of Caroline and her new man. Caroline panics and tries to get out of it, but Lila and Jess get bus tickets for "Adam" and make sure there's no excuse for him not to show up.

Now, normally I would be making fun of Caroline's stupid fake-boyfriend plan more, but I have to admit I've done it. Not with old-timey letters, but made-up stories about my "boyfriend". Plus SVH is all about couples and dating, and she's one of the only single, date-less students there. Plus, she's like the only red-head in Sweet Valley (besides Julie Porter, but she barely counts). I can't blame her for losing her mind and making boyfriends up. But I digress.

Enter B and C plots : B plot- Caroline finds a letter in the Wakefield's trash from Mrs. Wakefield thanking a firm in San Francisco for their job offer.She mentions in the letter that she'd have to think it over ,and her family would need a month to move.
Caroline catches Jessica making fun of her and pulls out the letter to embarrass her. Things like this may be why people don't like you Caroline.

To avoid looking bad in front of Lila and Cara, Jessica acts like she already knew about the possible move when she really had no idea. Yes, their parents never mentioned they might be moving to a different city in about a month. Another fine example of Alice and Ned Wakefield parenting genius.

Why no one really questions how Caroline got a personal letter, or why a letter that Alice was supposed to be sending to San Francisco was in the Wakefield's trash can in Sweet Valley, I don't know.

Jessica tells Liz, and they confront their parents, who have the nerve to call them selfish for not being happy about their mother's job opportunity. What? Yes, the twins can be quite selfish, (especially Jessica), but them not being excited about a sudden move to a new city is understandable. Liz plans to wait to tell Todd, but Caroline screws that up when she tells Liz to tell Jess she's sorry about the letter incident....right in front of Todd. Way to go Caroline. She's batting 1000 in this one.

The twins start a Sweet-Valley-is-perfect campaign to get their parents to stay, sending them pamphlets on Sweet Valley hangouts.
I can't figure out why they think spamming their parents to death will make them want to stay in Sweet Valley. But I guess I'm missing something, since it does work and they get to stay in Sweet Valley. Of course. Sweet Valley would collapse on itself without the Wakefields!

C plot isn't much of anything except a few pages about Regina and Bruce going on a date. Will Regina fall for SVH's resident player/date rapist? I'm going to spoil the surprise and say yes, in fact, she falls Head Over Heels for Bruce.

So back to our fabulous A-plot. Elizabeth reads some of her play at the dinner table, and Jessica knows for sure after hearing it that "Adam" didn't write those letters. For some reason Liz thinks that maybe "Adam's" just a plagerizer, copying the plays and sending them to Caroline, instead of realizing that, HELLO! Caroline is writing the letters to herself!

Sometimes I want to tear my hair out at how dense and overly-trusting Liz is. Don't we all?
 The party is all set for the weekend and Caroline is freaking out. She confesses the whole thing to Liz ,(who else?), and asks her not to read her play at the competition, because then everyone from school will know Adam didn't write the letters. They're going to know when that party rolls around the next day anyway, but Caroline is apparently both selfish and stupid.
Elizabeth actually ends up agreeing to not enter her play, which is so ridiculous. Jess couldn't have said it better:

"I thought you were the brains of the family Liz, but that's about the stupidest thing you've ever done in your whole life. I can't believe you'd jeopordize your entire literary future for that spoiled brat!"
Thank you.

But all is well in the end, because Caroline realizes she can't hide forever and tells Liz to read the play. She pours her heart out to her older sister, Anita, about her fake boyfriend. and crippling loneliness. Anita's response is to spend two hours telling Caroline all of the reasons no one likes her. The tough approach works, and Caroline apologizes to all of the people she's gossiped about and vows to change.

Because Liz is everyone's guardian angel, she decides to help Caroline out of her jam. She gets Todd's random out-of-town friend, Jerry, to play "Adam" at the party. You'd think that Caroline would just go with it and save herself the embarrassment, (I know I would), but because we have to learn a moral lesson, Caroline confesses her lie to the whole party.
But it's cool because Jerry likes her for realz and wants to write to her and be her real-life Adam. Awww.

Moral of the story? Don't invent fake boyfriends. No seriously, don't. It's really embarrassing when you get caught in the lie. I'm still embarrassed about my fake boyfriend incident from over 10 years ago!

Racing Hearts #9

I always thought Lila looked so pretty on this cover. Roger looks appropriately pathetic, and has some of the biggest glasses of all time hanging on his shirt.

This book is kind of like Heartbreaker, except the pathetic boy in love is poor Roger Barrett, who is literally poor. He even has to work a after school job! Omg! His mom is sick and his dad is a no-good drunk. Roger lusts after the gorgeous, rich Lila Fowler, who as you can imagine, wants nothing to do with him.
The poor guy even trips and falls on his face in the hall in front of Jessica and Lila. I can't think of two people worse to trip in front of.

Lila calls Roger "Bugs", because he "bugs her". Kind of a stretch, but alright.  Roger's BFF is Olivia Davidson, SVH's resident free spirit and weird-dressing artist. She has the hots for Rog, but he's too wrapped up in dreams of Lila to notice her. Elizabeth is the only one who knows about Roger's afterschool janitor job, because he works in her dad's office and she's seen him before. She actually manages to keep this a secret for a few books, she doesn't even tell Enid or Todd!
It would be THE worst thing ever if any of the SVH students knew about his job, because this is Sweet Valley, and teens aren't supposed to work as full-time janitors, if they work at all.

There's a big race coming up, (and a dance to accompany it, duh), the Bart. It's a big huge deal, and all the schools compete in the last race. The winner gets a full scholarship and major SVH popularity points. Everyone's at the first race to qualify for the big one, because these kids seriously go to every sporting event possible.

Elizabeth starts telling Roger he should join the race, because she sees him running like crazy all around school. Olivia agrees and they both start harping on him to run down to the field and enter. Roger isn't interested.
But then Lila decides to show off how much control she has over meek little Roger by convincing him to run in the race fior her.

Roger jumps at Lila's command and enters the race last minute. The always-adorable Bruce Patman is running in the race too, and finds it hilarious that Roger is racing.
"I guess this is what they mean by 'equal opportunity'. Even Bozos get to race."
Have you ever heard a high school boy call someone else a "bozo?".

Roger lets all of Bruce's B.S go right through him. Elizabeth sits on the sidelines wondering why Todd is in the race, since he never mentioned it to her. How did she not know? This is Elizabeth know-it-all Wakefield! Lila laughs at Roger from the sidelines and gloats about how he's going to lose. Oh Lila, you're so cold. Olivia silently fumes about Lila's cruelty, but is to scared of her to say anything.

Turns out Lila is wrong, because the race is won by non other than "bugs" himself, Roger. He comes in right before sore loser Bruce, who places second. Rog gets the hero treatment, and Jessica suggests to Lila that she should pay some attention to him since, "the boy who wins the race is going to be pretty popular around here. It wouldn't hurt to be seen with him."
As if they aren't popular enough.

Lila starts drooling all over Roger, but what she and everyone else doesn't know, is that Roger won't be able to enter the big official Bart race. He has a hard ass boss who would never give him time off for the race itself, let alone time off to practice. He doesn't tell anyone, probably because he's enjoying some attention for once, since SVH revolves around sports (yes, even track).

Lila tries getting Roger to hang out with her after school, but because of his demanding job and schoolwork, he has to keep turning her down. This only strengthens Lila's resolve to get Roger to ask her to the Bart dance.

Sub plot time! Jessica suddenly decides she would make an awesome lawyer, and asks her dad if she can work in his law office. She soon discovers that working in a law firm is not quite as exciting as she had thought. For some reason she seemed to assume she'd be fighting in court right away? Um, you know it takes a law degree to do that, right?

She's just about to quit, until she spots a hot guy working in the same buliding. Within a day or two, they're already meeting after hours to make out and dry hump on the copy machine. She tells Liz she's organizing her dad's office, but Liz knows her well enough to know there's no way that's true. Super spy Liz sneaks into the office and spots Jess and her guy sucking face.

But uh-oh, Rog happens to be mopping up on the same floor that Jess and her man are on, and Jessica sees him! Liz sees all of this, and rushes home to stop Jessica before she tells the whole world. Elizabeth is actually pretty cool here. She blackmails Jessica, telling her she'll tell their dad the real reason Jess is so eager about law if Jessica ever spills Roger's secret. Jessica agrees, but she's itching to tell Lila, because if Lila knew she was pursuing a janitor, she would DIE!

After this incident, Roger is totally stressing. He calls up Olivia, and confesses his awful secret.
"Go on, say it." Roger continued, "It embarrasses you to realize you're friends with a cleaning boy"
Come on Rog, this is Olivia you're talking to, not Jessica or Lila!

Of course Olivia is fine with it and thinks it's admirable that he's helping his family. Exactly. Yet Roger still thinks Lila is the girl for him. Sigh. He tells Olivia about how he won't be able to run in the race due to his tough schedule and unrelenting boss. He still hasn't told anyone else that, so everyone (including the coach and principal), think he's still in the running.

There's another little sub plot about a rumor involving the track coach leaving after this season, because he's  supposedly sick. Everyone starts thinking this is going to be his last time coaching for the Bart, and wouldn't it be nice if someone from SVH took home the trophy for him?

Jessica tells Lila she should have a retirement party for the coach after the race, since Roger couldn't possibly say no to an invitation for a party honoring the coach (oh, and the coach isn't even invited to this party. Nice). Jess can't wait for this party. She's planning on bringing her newest conquest, Dennis (the guy from the office) and casually telling everyone about Rog's past, so Lila is humiliated and has to go hide, and Jess and her new man get all the attention. And they say they're friends?

But before this delightful scene can happen, Roger boldly tells Lila that he's a janitor. She acts like a snotty bitch about it, of course, and Roger tells her off good, even bringing up the valid point that he doesn't like being poor anymore then she would. Go Roger!

But there's still the matter of the race. Roger goes to break the bad news to the coach, and surprise, the coach got a call from Roger's evil boss saying Rog can have time off to practice, and compete in, the Bart! The coach and Rog talk a bit more, and the coach tells him the rumors about him leaving/being sick, aren't true. Wow, guess Lila's party is really pointless now, huh?

Roger ends up winning the race and the scholarship, and Lila, fake as ever, throws herself at him again. Roger knows better this time, and blows her off. Doesn't this sound a whole lot like Heartbreaker? Whatever.
He finds Olivia, and kisses her passionately. Just like we knew he would.

Jessica's romance doesn't fare as well, turns out Dennis is only 15 (!) which is why he and Jess were limited to hanging out in closets together and he couldn't drive her anywhere. I really thought it was just because he didn't feel like springing for dinner at the Dairi Burger, since she was giving it away free already. Jessica could never be seen with a 15 year old in public, so she angrily dumps him. Within a day, she's over him.

Things wrap up with Jessica, Cara and Liz talking about Annie Whitman, who is "a girl watcher's delight" because she's in an ultra tiny miniskirt. Jessica comments "that girl's gotta hold the school record for most dates!" No, that would probably be you Jessica. There's some trouble coming up for Annie in the next book, Wrong Kind of Girl.

Heartbreaker #8

Bill looks kind of- well a lot-stupid on this cover. He just has this dopey look on his face. But maybe that's because he's so in Luv with Jessica, who looks a little rough on this cover. Too many late nights at the Beach Disco and the Dairi Burger huh?

So we continue from the last book, Dear Sister, where Jessica and Bill went on a date and long story short, Jess got Bill totally hung up on her. But who could really resist a Wakefield twin? That's what I thought.

Jessica is using Bill's love for her against him, because she is seeking revenge on Bill for turning her down when she asked him out awhile ago. So she tortures him, flirting with other guys (particularly Tom McKay) and leading him on while he worships her.

There is, however, one problem with Jessica's diabolical plan. Deedee Gordon (a character we're just hearing about now) loves Bill for realz. She's actually not much of a threat to Jess though, since Bill is so stuck on her he barely notices DeeDee. Plus, DeeDee isn't a beautiful blonde Wakefield twin!

We learn a lot about Bill in this book. He has a tragic past like most of the people in Sweet Valley. His girlfriend died 2 years ago in a car accident, and Bill blamed himself , because they got in a fight at a party right before she left with a friend and got in the fatal accident. Now though, he's ready to move on. He decides to move on by pining for someone who's obviously just toying with him, because she kind of looks like his dead ex. Hmm.

Bill has been giving DeeDee surfing lessons, and Jessica steps in and ruins their plans every now and then, dragging Bill away from DeeDee. Dee just sits there and meekly does nothing. I guess I can't blame her...Jessica is pretty scary when it comes to getting a guy she wants.

Bill is so blind, that while hanging with Jess (who is ignoring him and playing around with Tom McKay) he actually gets mad at himself for thinking of DeeDee in a more-then-friends way
"How could he be thinking of DeeDee this way when Jessica was the one he cared about?"
Then he goes on to make excuses for Jessica's behavior...
"He understood about Tom, he really did. Why should Jessica allow herself to be tied down to one guy when she could have her pick of fifty million others?"
Sigh, Bill come on.

The play opens (I don't remember or care what play it was) and DeeDee's father, who apparently is a Hollywood agent, sees the play and tells her he saw some real talent there. Really? He won't tell her who he thinks is the potential superstar until the play is done running at the end of the week, because he doesn't want to make that person nervous. I don't totally get that reasoning, but hey.

Jessica naturally totally assumes it's her, and goes around telling everyone about how she's going to be a huge star. She's so distracted by this, she stops giving a fuck about the whole Bill thing, and even encourages him to go out with DeeDee.  DeeDee almost drowns when she and Bill are surfing, and Bill rescues her and instantly realizes he's really in love with her! Finally Bill! They share some hot tender moments on the beach and they're officially in love.

So the big day where everyone finds out who DeeDee's dad thinks is a star is, and surprise, it's Bill! Jessica is all butt-hurt and angry, but she figures that since Bill is a future star now, she's interested again. She tries coming between DeeDee and Bill , but Bill finally grows some balls and tells her he wants DeeDee.

The sub-plot is that Todd's ex girlfriend from like, middle school, Patsy, is back in town and sexier then ever. Todd and Patsy don't really do anything except act like old friends, but Elizabeth still acts like a drama queen and refuses to talk to Todd, assuming he's in love with Patsy now. She gets this assumption from pretty much nothing. I thought she was the stable twin? I'm sure I don't have to tell you, but Todd and Liz reunite and everything's cool like usual.

We end with resident poor kid Roger Barrett getting humiliated by Lila at a party. She tells him she, "wouldn't dance with him if he were the last boy on earth!"

Annnnd everyone at the party hears her. Damn, Lila. That's cold. This leads up to the next book, Racing Hearts, which is about poor Roger being hopelessly in love with super rich Lila. Kinda sounds similar to this book....

Dangerous Love #6

To me, Todd looks like a 35 year old European guy on this cover, not an all-American basketball star. Liz isn't at her most attractive here either.

If you couldn't tell already, Todd got his motorcycle! He even got a pink helmet especially for Elizabeth. But as I mentioned in the previous recap, there is a big rule against motorcycles in the Wakefield family due to the death of cousin Rexy in a motorcycle accident.

But instead of just telling Todd that like a normal person, Elizabeth has to make things way complicated by making up excuses not to get on Todd's bike and hiding the real truth. It's really annoying and it drove me nuts that she couldn't just tell him.

Finally, Liz tells Todd the truth, and being the perfect boyfriend he is, he's super understanding about it. He assures her that he would never choose a bike over her, and everything seems to be cool. Not for long!

Liz sees other girls (only her two close friends, actually) riding on the back of  Todd's bike. She knows she has no reason to be jealous (especially considering that Todd doesn't seem to have sexual urges at all) but she is anyway. It's the one thing they can't share! Boo hoo.

Jessica pops in every now and then to hint to Liz that Todd and his "death machine " motorcycle are a waste of time and to find a new boy toy. Naturally Jess has her  own boy toy , and this time it's random filler-character Danny Stauffer, who drives a red trans-am. Sexy.

I also have to mention that class clown Winston gets a chick in this one, there's a brief mention of him and random character Mandy Farmer dating. They met in some kind of save the whales club or something and discovered they both looove whales! Good for you Win. Hope he gets over Jessica- it's about damn time.

So Elizabeth is still uneasy about the whole motorcycle thing, and worried about Todd's safety because we all know anyone who gets on a bike is 90% likely to get in a major crash, at least according to this book.

Enid Liz's boring BFF, is having her 16th birthday party soon, and she pops up every now and then in the book to bitch about how her mom is going through all this trouble to make sure she has a really nice well-organized party. Wow, what an awful mother.

Enid's cousin Brian is coming into town for the event, and Jessica immediately starts begging Liz to make Enid introduce them, because Jessica must date absolutely every guy that comes through Sweet Valley. Enid is not having this, since Jess has screwed her over in the past (like pretty much everyone else Jessica has come into contact with). Liz persuades her even though she shouldn't, and Jessica gets her way.

The 16th birthday party finally happens, and Jess shows up with Brian on her arm, Danny a distant memory. Elizabeth comes alone since she can't ride on Todd's bike. Todd is supposed to show up, and never does. The party pretty much starts to wind down, and Jessica runs up to Miller's Point with Brian to rub up against him and makeout. She's supposed to come back for Liz, but she gets to caught up in dry humping to notice or care much. Gotta love the sisterly bond!

Elizabeth is still waiting at the party, and Todd finally shows up. He tells her that he's selling his motorcycle to high school drop out Crunch McAllister because he loves her and yada yada yada. Everythings's super romantic, and then Elizabeth suddenly gets a crazy urge to get on the bike. It's going to be sold tomorrow anyways, so why not? Todd relents, and they take a wild ride through Sweet Valley, until....

Crash!!! A drunk Crunch McAllister slams into Todd and Elizabeth. Todd comes out with just a few scratches, but Liz is in a coma! Jessica finds out and dramatically blames herself for not coming back to get her sister from the party. Alice and Ned are devastated and angrily blame Todd for letting Liz get on the bike. Mr. Collins, (the English teacher who's a little too close to his students), shows up, and has one of his inspirational keep-your-head-up chats with Todd.

Alice and Ned relax a little and stop blaming Todd, realizing that Liz really wanted to get on the motorcycle and he couldn't have stopped her. Because Liz is just always so head strong and stubborn and not a push -over whatsoever. Right...

So we conclude with Elizabeth in the coma and Jessica at her side praying that she'll wake up. Will she? I'm gonna take a wild guess and say yes, but we don't know for sure until the next book, Dear Sister.

No real B story in this one, just a few pages at the end of the book telling us a little more about Mr. Collins. Apparently his wife was a no-good cheating alcoholic that tried to kidnap their son at one point, and he still doesn't trust her. Yeah sounds like he shouldn't. She must have given up on getting her son back though, since we never hear about her again.

All Night Long #5

Oh how I used to love this cover as a kid. Scott looked so manly and dangerous! Jessica looked like a flashy hooker! Unfortunately there wasn't nearly as much "action" in this book as the cover would have you believe.
Not to mention that they made Scott look 45. We get it, he's an older man.

Jessica tells Elizabeth and their parents,that Scott is 18, but Liz suspects Jessica conveniently shaved a few years off his age. (like 20?)
Since her parents don't approve of Mr. Mustache, Jessica tells them she's going on some kinda of trip with Cara's family. Liz has her panties in a twist over the whole thing. Even her drippy best friend Enid gets tired of Liz's constant worrying about her twin.
"Look, you're here to have fun-so have fun. Let Jessica worry about Jessica"
Thank you Enid!

Later on, Jessica is out with Scott and his college friends having a bonfire on the beach. They are so wild, that they drink beer, and even pass a joint around. OMG!
 Jessica, "knew she had gotten into the fast lane this time-maybe too fast"
Uh-oh!
The college kids all can see through Jessica's attempts to act mature, calling her "jailbait" and "all tease and no tickle"
So they pretty much have Jessica pegged.
Scott carries Jessica off into the woods,and we all know this probably isn't going to go well.
He almost-rapes her, and then blames her for being a tease. Nice.

Scott goes back to the cabin or beach house or whatever, leaving Jess to trudge through the woods alone, during which time she blames Liz for her predicament, which makes no sense.

She finds him half-passed out on the couch. He offers to share the couch with her if she puts out. Jessica declines and demands a phone. Of course, this is the 80's so there's no cell phones! And apparently there aren't any phones in the house either (?). So Jess ends up sleeping on the floor.

The next day, Elizabeth flips out when she realizes Jessica never came home last night. She remarks, "I should have 'welcome' tattooed across my forehead"
Very true. And she proves what a doormat she is by covering for Jessica, who calls (from what phone?) and cajoles Liz into it.
This means Liz has to be both twins so her mom doesn't get suspicious. That involves eating two breakfasts and two conversations with Mom Alice, who really doesn't seem to be that smart, since she has no idea any of this is going on. How about some mother's intuition Alice?

Liz gets to school and Jess is still nowhere to be found. This is bad, because the twins are trying to get a tour guide summer job, and the test for that is today! Elizabeth and Todd get in a fight because Liz actually is going to take the test for Jessica, and Todd thinks it's ridiculous. He's right.
Elizabeth even tells him "I'd rather go swimming with Jaws!"
Ooooh.

Elizabeth totally screws up on Jessica's test because she's upset over Todd, and Jess shows up at school later, and gets mad at Liz for failing the test she was supposed to take. I can feel the sisterly love.

By the way, how could Liz take the test for her? Wouldn't someone see that she was in the same outfit as before when she took her own test? Unless she changed to take Jessica's test or something?
And wouldn't Jessica be marked absent, and have her absence reported to her parents? Well this is Sweet Valley, so why question these things.

Of course Jessica is already over it by the end of the school day. They let her re-take the test, and Elizabeth and Todd make up and there's a whole page and a half devoted to them making out. Ick. One bright spot is that Jess ends up getting a poison ivy rash from trekking around the woods in a bikini the other night. Haha!

The sub-plot is some incredibly boring crap about a surf competition, and new hot surfer Sonny who I don't think is ever brought up again in the series. Bill Chase is the regular surf champ around SVH, but there's rumors that he know he can't beat Sonny and won't even show up to the big competition, (Which like, the whole high school attends. Do they do everything as a group?)
It's okay though, because Bill does show up and he wins the surf competition! He even drinks a beer after without getting into a drunk driving accident or being chastised by Elizabeth. That's a true victory in this series.

We end with Todd talking about his plans to get a motorcycle and Elizabeth feeling nervous because the Wakefield family is strictly anti-motorcycle after cousin Rexy (what a name) was killed driving one. What will happen? We'll just have to read Dangerous Love to find out!

At the back of the book there's two random descriptions of Bill Chase and Lila Fowler. It says Lila is adopted, (not true, according to the Fowler family's Sweet Valley Saga) This supposed adoption is never mentioned again in any book.  It also goes on to talk about how she communicates with her mom sometimes, (also not accurate...), and how she wants to be a tennis star. What? Lila work? She clearly expresses her desire to live out the rest of her life spending Daddy's money in many books to come.

It describes Bill Chase a lot better, talking about how his old girlfriend died, and setting things up for the upcoming book Heartbreaker, which Bill is featured prominently in.

Power Play #4

Jessica and Liz look pretty good on this cover, although I don't get why their hair is nearly see through. I thought it was "golden blonde"?

 Robin Wilson is fat. The book will make sure you never forget that, because Robin eats like allllll the time. Don't all chunky people carry candy bars in their purse and scarf down whole cheesecakes when they're excited?
Robin has this crazy delusion that Jessica is her BFF, when it couldn't be more clear that Jess is using her. Because overweight people can't possibly have self esteem!

In the last book, Elizabeth promises to nominate Robin for a spot in Pi Beta. Even though Jessica originally promised to do it, we all know Jess doesn't want a fat girl in her sorority. (Jessica is president of the sorority, by the way. Huge surprise.)

Jessica is furious when she finds out Liz wants "that tub of lard", as she so eloquently describes Robin, in PBA.
"one look at that shape and they'll be calling us the Pi Butterball Alphas!"
Clever.

At the next PBA meeting, Liz nominates Robin as promised, and of course Jess is ultra pissed. She even calls Elizabeth "Little miss do-a-good-deed-every-day!" Oohh BURN!
The reaction to Robin's nom by the other PBA members?
"Robin Wilson? She's..that pudgy one right?"
"Liz put her name up, so she must think it's ok"
"You're sure she's not kidding?"

Yeah, Robin isn't so welcome. But no one says anything against Elizabeth- duuhhhh she's a Wakefield twin! I don't really get why Jess, the PRESIDENT of the damn sorority, couldn't just refuse Robin entry. The only reason the book gives is that Liz will be mad, and Robin would find out and not serve as Jessica's "handmaiden" anymore.

Pretty weak excuses. Are we really supposed to believe that Jessica needs someone to run her errands so badly that she would let someone like Robin in her precious sorority? It wasn't like she even likes Robin or cares about her feelings. And would Jessica care that much about Liz being a little pissed? I doubt it. Elizabeth would forgive her in less then 2 minutes and we all know it.

So they let Robin in on the good (?) news about her nomination. Robin reacts by offering them all kinds of delicious sounding food and eating a whole cheesecake as previously mentioned. I know if I were a PBA member, I'd vote her in just so we could go to her house and eat! Some parts of this book make me really hungry.

Jessica is not going to stand for any of this. She and her friends give Robin some humiliating and tough pledge duties. Like forcing her to run around the school track for a week (not such a bad idea, actually), and making her wear a teeny bikini on the beach and play volleyball while Bruce Patman makes fun of her. Robin is a spineless wimp and goes with all of it.

But then they give her the last pledge challenge.....
Ask out super hunk and major jerk Bruce Patman, and get him to take her to the upcoming dance!
Robin is devastated, knowing Bruce would never go out with her in a million years.

"I might as well ask Elvis Presley!"
"Robin." Elizabeth reminded her gently, "Elvis has been dead for-"
"That's just my point"
So condescending Liz! Obviously, Robin knows Elvis is dead!

Elizabeth makes a deal with Bruce to take Robin to the dance. She writes a newspaper article stroking Bruce's ego and he goes to the dance with "Fatso Wilson" (one of his many pet names for Robin).

Robin is thrilled! This is short-lived, however, since Bruce announces this at the dance:
"Ok that's it, I brought you to the dance, Tubby. I've got better things to do now. Anybody wanna steer the Queen Mary around the floor tonight? She's all yours!"

I always thought this would be THE most embarrassing thing ever at a dance! I felt so bad for Robin, he could have at least just ignored her once they got there if he couldn't stand her fatness that much.

Jessica is of course happy to witness this , as she was beyond pissed when she heard Robin actually managed to get Bruce to take her.
Technically Robin did get Bruce to take her to the dance, so that last pledge duty is fulfilled. But wait, the PBA members still have to do the official vote. Usually this vote is just a pretense, once you finish the pledge tasks you're in. We all know it won't be quite that easy for poor Robin though....

They vote by dropping black or white balls in a box for each pledge. White for yes and black for no. It only takes one blackball to keep the pledge out (What kind of vote is that? ONE anonymous vote can keep a girl everyone else approved out? K.)

This is nice and convenient for the plot line, because guess what happens, Robin gets blackballed!!!

Wonder who did it. Any ideas? Jess is practically tripping over herself to go break the news to Robin, and Elizabeth comes along to "pick up the pieces", as only Elizabeth can.

Robin is crushed, but good old Jessica re-assures her,
"I know you feel that it leaves you out of everything worth having on Sweet Valley High, but I'll still be your best friend"
Liz actually tells her to shut up after that. Finally! Robin flips out and says there's "no reason for her to go on anymore"
Yes, without high school sororities and a size six figure, what reason is there to go on?

Elizabeth feels kinda guilty about this whole thing, (If I were her I'd direct that guilt to Jess, since she's the one who started this crap) To ease her conscience, she writes a scathing article in the school paper bashing the Pi Betas and their exclusiveness. Isn't she a member? Whatever..  

The whole school reads "Snobbery is Alive and Well at Sweet Valley High", and it's a smashing success and huge blow to the PBA members. Since when do students care that much about the school paper?

Robin returns to school after a break, and her tent dresses that she wears throughout the book, (what's a tent dress? A mu-mu? Guess this was before Lane Bryant and Torrid), are starting to get looser! Liz tries to talk to her, but Robin is understandably cold and unreceptive at first.

Liz notices robin's plate, "usually heaped with french fries and double burgers, now held only lettuce leaves, two tomato slices, and a hard boiled egg"
Geez one extreme to another, huh Robin? From wayy too much food to practically starving. Sounds healthy.

After about a week or two of starving and running around the track, Robin is dropping weight like crazy. She becomes thin enough for SVH in lightning speed. Since she's thin now, she's automatically gets on the cheer squad and becomes co-captain. Because losing weight will teach you all the fundamentals of cheerleading and dance. Alright.

Next, new thin, confident Robin runs against Jessica to be Miss Sweet Valley High. Wait, wasn't Jessica JUST crowned queen of something else one book ago? At least in this case, Robin wins, thanks to supporters like the defensive line of the SVH football team, who parade through the auditorioum with a sign
"Robin Has Us Throbbin'!"
Really? No words for that one.

Robin also puts up signs telling the whole school thtat the Pi Betas blackballed her, and have forbidden any non-member from running for Miss Sweet Valley High. This is a lie, (not the blackballing, but they never forbid a non-member from running in the election), not that PBA doesn't deserve the bad publicity. Robin  sounds like she might make a good politician.

I also need to add that Jess and Robin are the only ones running. No one else wanted to be Queen? Only two contestants? Guess all the other girls knew that sociopath Jessica was running, and didn't want her unleashing her fury on them for running against her. I wouldn't want to run against that psycho. Robin is a brave girl.

By the way, Jessica thought she would win because she's dated the whole first string of players on the Gladiators. Seriously though. As she tells Liz,
"Well I do it for team spirit. And everyone of them appreciates it too!"
I'm sure they do Jessica.

Anyways, everything gets wrapped up nicely, Robin rejects Bruce Patman, (who is super into the new thin sexy Robin), publicly after being named Queen, and picks Allan Walters to escort her because he was nice to her when she was fat. She and Allan fall in LUV and blah blah blah.

And of course there is a sub-plot! Lila is a poor little rich girl who's dad won't give her the attention she needs. She resorts to stealing from a store in the mall, and giving Jessica the stuff she steals as "gifts" saying it's stuff some random Aunt sent her that she doesn't want. The store notices a high volume of missing stuff, and they blame Jessica and arrest her.

Elizabeth swoops in to save the day, having seen Lila shoplifting earlier (surprised?). They let Jessica go, and Lila ends up in court, finally getting some short-lived attention from her dad. Even though it's clear her dad is going to go right back to ignoring her, (and he does for most of upcoming books), Lila's shoplifting problem never comes up again.

The book ends telling us about Scott Daniels, the alluring older college guy Jessica met at the beach when she was sketching (sketching? Since when is Jessica an artist? This is never mentioned again ). Elizabeth already doesn't like the sound of him, but Jessica is all hot for him because he's in college. And according to Jess, college kids, "understand life and art" . LOL