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Sunday, October 3, 2010

Too Good To Be True #11

Elizabeth looks almost "special' on this cover, I think the artist overdid her "I can't figure this girl out" face a little. Suzanne doesn't look as supermodel pretty on this cover as she's described in the book, but can't we say that for most characters' covers? (Especially the Wrong Kind of Girl cover. Ugh).
We're continuing from the last book, where the twins get the exciting news that the sophisticated daughter of some family friends is coming to stay with them during yet another SVH school break. They seem to get a lot of time off of school. While she's visiting, one of the twins is going to New York and staying with the Devlin's.

Jessica, of course, realllly wants to go to New York.
She imagines her trip to NY would go something like this:

"she would be strolling through the glittering aisles at Tiffany's, and the owner would rush up to her, holding out a priceless emerald necklace. 'It's made for you, my dear,' he says. 'Look how the jewels match your eyes' He waves aside her protests that she can't afford such an expensive necklace. 'No, you must consider it a gift.It's payment enough for me just to see you wearing it.' "

At a Manhattan disco: "Suddenly, a hand touches her arm. She turns. 'Pardon me,' Mick Jagger says, 'I believe the next dance is mine.' "

"She might even be discovered by one of the top modeling agencies. Within a few weeks, her face would be the cover of Cosmopolitian"

Yeah. I need to list the some of things wrong with this whole fantasy:

-Since when does Tiffany's hand out jewelry to non-famous people? No Jessica, you are not considered famous outside of Sweet Valley.

- Mick Jagger? Sounds more like the fantasy of a 40 year old, even back in the 80's when this was written.

-And even so, would Mick Jagger really be so entranced by some random 16 year old-who shouldn't even be at a Manhattan nightclub?
 -A modeling career and a huge magazine cover, all in a few weeks. Ambitious, isn't she?
Jessica's fantasy is crushed when they flip a coin, and Liz is the twin that gets to go to New York. We all know this will never work out, because how boring would Elizabeth be in NY? She'd probably go on a museum tour. Yawn. Jess throws her usual tantrum until Elizabeth predictably lets her go to NY instead.

Jess leaves, and they wait for Suzanne at the airport. Alice gets on her mothering high-horse, talking about how Suzanne has been in boarding schools most of her life.
"I suppose there's nothing wrong with it, but I don't see how I ever could have sent you kids away like that. Maybe I'm just old-fashioned, but I think children belong at home until they're ready for college."
Right Alice. Steven jokingly responds that he's in college, and she's still stuck with him practically every weekend! Har har. Yeah we're all stuck with you. Maybe you should be at college more, Steve.

Speaking of Steve, there are of course, the obligatory pages updating us on the status of him and Tricia Martin's relationship. It's not going that well. But who really cares? (I gotta admit, I'm not really looking forward to #12 When Love Dies. All about Tricia and Steven. Yuck).

The amazing Suzanne appears, (the book never fails to mention how glamorous, thin, and sophisticated she is on  nearly every page), and the whole family just loves her! She's super-duper nice and polite, and even does things like offer to dishes after dinner. They're practically ready to trade in Jessica for good at this point.

They have the thousandth pool party of the series, in honor of Suzanne, and the ghostwriter reallly over does it here with reminding us how perfect Suzanne supposedly is.
"Though she wasn't stunning like Suzanne, Enid had a prettiness that was all her own."
Don't feel bad if you don't measure up to Suzanne's impossible standards. You have a prettiness all your own! How condescending.

Inappropriately close to his students as always, Mr. Collins is barbequing at the party. Suzanne is checking his sexy ass out, and who wouldn't? He does look like "a young Robert Redford", as the ghostwriters have told us 9000 times. She fakes drowning just to get his attention, and he jumps in a saves her. Liz finds Suzanne's "close call" a little strange, since she saw Suzanne swimming earlier and knows she can swim well, but decides to let it go. Typical Liz.

Elizabeth's gold laveliere necklace dissappears (both twins were given matching necklaces for their 16th b-day), and she can't seem to find it anywhere. Hmm strange.
Even Lila uncharacteristically gets in on the Suzanne butt-kissing action, tellling her that she is soooo gorgeous, (ok we get it!), and should be a model.

We then learn that Suzy is the one responsible for stealing the necklace. I'm guessing she did it just to cause trouble, because I'm sure she already has plenty of nice jewelry.
Liz, Todd, and Suzy stop at Mr. Collins' house so Liz can drop off some stuff for the paper. Suzanne asks some inappropriate personal questions about Mr. C's personal life, and then volunteers to take the papers in for Liz.

Here's an idea of just how sexy Mr. Collins looks:
"He was wearing only a pair of white jogging shorts and a red bandanna to keep his longish strawberry-blonde hair out of his eyes. Suzanne's gaze strayed down to his bare, muscular chest, which was deeply tanned and slick with perspiration."

Suzanne "accidentally"drops a glass of water on her thin t-shirt, revealing her sexy little bikini top underneath. Geez this is starting to sound like some bad softcore porn. Mr. C is not amused by her antics, although he does blush a little bit after she makes some more sexual innuendos before she leaves.

We are reminded AGAIN how amazing and hot Suzy is, when class clown Winston spells out "I love you" on the Wakefield's front lawn just for her. Since his girl Mandy Farmer moved away apparently, Win is now stuck on Suzanne. Wow I would be pissed if I were the Wakefield's. Like hello, he tp'd their lawn! I know he's "the class clown", but really. Too far, Win.

The sub plot here is all about Jessica's trip to New York, which, surprise surprise, doesn't go quite like she imagined. First off, The Devlin's pay almost no attention to Jess, except for a few outings here and there. Second, Pete, Suzanne's hot older boyfriend, isn't falling for Jessica's Wakefield twin charms! Whaaatttt?

Pete patronizes her and ignores her, and this only makes her more determined to get him. (This is a pretty common thing for Jessica. A guy dares to not want her? She'll do anything to get him now!)

It never occurs to her that he might just be ignoring her shameless advances, because he has a girlfriend (the perfect Suzanne! Hello!). Sigh.
She calls up Liz later, and lies her ass off about how crazy about her Pete is, and what an amazing time she's having. Liz doesn't feel "a drop of envy", because she's lucky enough to be in the presence of the amazing, angelic Suzanne.

Jess hangs up and re-lives the other night in her head, and we learn that Suzanne's waspy, sophisticated friends threw a dinner party to welcome her. The party didn't go so well, as Jessica ended up drinking too much champagne and puking while Suzy's friends sneered at her for not being able to hold her liquor. I don't think anyone from Sweet Valley can hold their liquor. Maybe it's something in the water.

Jess continue to lust after Pete, and he's still not responding, until one day they are alone together in the Devlin's place, and he almost-rapes her. He reasons,
"You've been begging for it from the day I met you"
No comment on that one...
She calls him the "meanest person on earth". I guess that's how I'd describe someone who nearly raped me too?
The Devlin's walk in just in time to save Jess from her predicament.

Now, back to Suzanne and Liz. Suzy volunteers to take Elizabeth's place on a babysitting job, so she can go out with Todd. And guess who's kid she's babysitting? Yup, Mr. Collins' son Teddy.
She tells Liz not to call or notify Mr. C of the switch, she'll take care of it. Of course she doesn't and just shows up unexpectedly to babysit. Mr. C is a little wary since Liz didn't even let him know about the switch, but gets over that a little too quickly, and leaves his kid with a stranger. Suzy is all smiles with Teddy, until his father leaves, and then she ditches the kid to go snoop through Mr. C's stuff. She's trying to find something incriminating, and finds nothing.

We learn that she's blackmailed before, using a bag of weed she found in her cousin's purse to make her poor cousin her slave. Ooh she's so evil!

Mr.Collins gets back, and Suzanne tries to seduce him blatantly this time, wrapping herself around him, and telling him that she's a "big girl" and won't tell anyone. He refuses, and she's totally mad and seeking revenge.

She makes up a story about Mr. Collins sexually harassing her and cries to Liz about it, who seems to believe someone she just met, over a trusted teacher she's known forever. And she's the loyal twin. Geez.
She comes across her necklace in Suzanne's suitcase, and finally starts to realize Suzy might not be an angel after all.

Oh, it's Lila's b-day by the way, and she's throwing the biggest party ever! On the way to said party, Todd and Liz discuss Elizabeth's necklace and Mr. Collins. They stop by Mr. C's house, and he's a total dramatic-looking wreck. After a quick talk, Liz is sure that Suzanne is lying about the almost-rape incident.

She and Todd arrive at Lila's bash, and Suzy is flirting with everyone and being her little fake-perfect self. Liz pulls her aside and confronts her with everything. Suzy is full of really bad, obvious lies, and Liz isn't buying it. She even calls her "the biggest loser of all." Burn! 

Suzanne heads out to do some damage control, and tells gossipy Cara that she's worried about Liz, because Liz hit her head on the pool the other day, and has been acting really strange! Just like her motorcycle incident.
Cara runs off to go spread the news, and Suzanne is confident that no one will believe anything Elizabeth says now.

Annoying redhead Caroline Pierce tells the story to Enid, and Enid, (being one of the only relatively smart people around at this party), knows this story is suspect.

She tells Liz, who confronts Suzanne right in the middle of the dance floor. It's nice to see Elizabeth have some balls for once. A crowd gathers around them, and Suzanne acts like Liz is just crazy. Winston Eggbert saves the day, when he accidentally-on-purpose trips and spills his glass of punch all over Suzanne, who shows her true colors by flipping out on him and calling him a "big, stupid dog". I love SVH insults.

She tries to backtrack, but it's too late, and everyone can see that she really is "Too Good to be True". (sorry, I just had to do that). Mr Collins is cleared, and Suzy is back home. Jessica returns, and is full of more lies about how great things were with her and Pete. Elizabeth doesn't tell Jessica anything about the story of Suzanne, and makes it sound like nothing special happened. I'm not sure why. Won't Jessica find out what really happened through all of her gossipy friends? And aren't they supposed to be like thisclose because they're twins? SVH books always leave me with so many questions.

We end with more crap about Tricia "boring" Martin, and the equally-boring Steven. Tricia is being cold towards him and he's agonizing over it. Jessica, as usual, rags on him about dating a girl from one of "the worst families in town". Way to kick him when he's down, Jess. There's more to this story, (unfortunately), as we will see in #12 When Love Dies

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