Lovestruck #27

Ken looks like a 40-year-old porn star on this cover. He also has an ape-like quality to him in this picture, and appears to want to be anywhere but with Suzanne. Suzanne is super pretty, even though she has a soccer mom hair cut going on.

*Possible unpopular opinion*.......I liked Suzanne. She's supposed to be snobby and horrible, but you know what? She's a lot less snotty than the twins. She's elegant, poised and cultured. She speaks French, knows which utensils to use at a fancy dinner, and loves old movies and classical music. Suzanne is the woman I wish I could be. Yes, I am jealous of a fictional sixteen year old. God help me.

Ok, let me stop raving about Suzanne and begin the recap of this award-winning novel. Ken is an all-star football player, and has been a back ground character for much of the series. It turns out that he's actually a likeable guy (at least compared to many of the other SVH guys. Todd, Nicolas, I'm talkin' bout you).

As was mentioned at the end of my last recap, Ken is failing English and it might keep him from playing in the big game!!!!!!! Apparently the team has zero chance of winning without Ken, which doesn't make a lot of sense to me. Can one team member really carry the whole team like that? Seriously? I don't watch sports so I have no clue how this works. Guess the SVH football team kinda sucks, huh?

I'm freaking out you guys! The game comes right before Sweet Valley's Centennial celebration, and if they lose it'll put a big damper on everything! Personally, I'm more concerned about the fact that Jessica Wakefield is in charge of planning the party. Who put a irresponsible teen girl in charge of a town's hundred year anniversary party? Isn't this something that a group of adults should be doing? Me and my logic.

Jessica is left to plan the party completely by herself when Lila ditches her to go shopping in New York ( I would have done the same). But she seems to be doing okay. She even got Liz and Ken to man the kissing booths.

Wait..kissing booths? I had to stop and google "do kissing booths exist". Apparently they did about 30 years ago, but now people are too worried about catching herpes. Guess that makes sense.

But no one in Sweet Valley would have herpes (especially since no one has sex), so bring on the kissing booths!

We hear a lot about how Suzanne and Ken are just SOOOO wrong for each other. Ken pretends to be interested in Mozart and foreign films, so Suzanne draws the conclusion that he likes that stuff. Sounds pretty damn reasonable. It's also reasonable that Suzanne would think that Ken isn't really into football, since he never tells her how much it means to him. Yet Suzanne is made out to be the bad guy here, as if she's supposed to read his mind. Wtf? Alright, so they're not made for each other. The miscommunication is Ken's fault...he's the one pretending to be something he's not. Maybe Ken isn't so likeable.

But back to Ken's school problem. Creepy Mr. Collins (remember him?) is giving Ken one more chance to pull up his English grade. If Ken can write a good short story, than his grade will go up and he can play football. Town busybody Elizabeth generously offers to help him out (because she's such a talented writer) and even gives Ken one of her private short stories. She's "funny" about her stories and has never shown it to anyone else. Ken must feel so privileged. He tries in vain to write his own story, but keeps getting distracted by Suzanne (who has NO idea that he's failing English. Some relationship! He doesn't tell her anything).

In the midst of all this crap, Liz, Ken and Suzanne go to some poetry reading that Suzanne put together (I swear Suzanne is so classy and awesome. Totally fangirling over here!). Liz makes fun of the poets, thinking, " She knew how much the poem must have meant to the girl, but it just seemed silly". Yeah. But when Liz reads her ahhhhhmazing poem about her mom, the rooms goes silent and everyone is so impressed. I want to reach in the book and strangle her.

The big day rolls around, and the paper is due. Ken accepts an F and doesn't play in the big game. Life goes on.

LOL nah. Actually, Ken puts his name on Liz's short story and turns it in. The story is so great that Mr. Collins wants to print it in the Oracle for the big centennial issue. Of course Liz wrote the greatest story ever told. Bleh. Liz is proud of Ken...until she realizes that the story is hers. Oops.
Liz confronts Ken, and like the doormat she is, she doesn't tell anyone that the story is really hers. After confronting Ken, she feels sorry for him, and hopes that he'll turn himself in.

Rigggght.

In real life, Ken would never turn himself in. But this is Sweet Valley...so he does. Ken writes a story about how he stole Liz's story and tells Liz to put that in the Oracle. It's basically a public confession to the whole school. He gets called into the principle's office, and admits that he stole Liz's story and blah blah blah. He should get in HUGE trouble because plagiarism is a really big deal.

Well he should, but he doesn't. Surprised? Didn't think so. Principle Cooper and super creep Collins are so impressed by Ken's "bravery", that they agree to give him a C for his story and ignore the whole cheating thing. Amazing. I should have been an all-star football player. Actually, I should have gone to Sweet Valley High.

Suzanne still has some common sense left and breaks up with him. She's the only one who calls him what he is, a thief! I'm liking her more and more.
This knocks Ken into reality, and he wonders how the football team is gonna feel about him now.
The football team congratulates him on his amazing bravery, and fellow player Scott Trost calls him a "special person". Gag. Like a group of teenage boys would really act like that? Don't mind me, I'm just bitter.

Suzanne tries to get Ken back after he wins the big game, and he calls her a "bore". Ooooh snap. 
The big centennial party is a huge hit, despite the fact that Jessica serves everyone sandwiches and chips. They raise a ton of money for some charity or something and everyone's happy.

From what I remember, Suzanne doesn't appear much in the series after this. 'Sobs'. But I won't be sad for too long, because the next book is one of my FAVORITES!! It's all about outcast Lynne Henry and it's one of the best SVH books out there. That's not an opinion, it's a fact.

Soooo what's the moral? Don't pretend to be someone else for a girlfriend/boyfriend. Don't steal someone else's story (unless you're a football player). And if someone steals your story, just sit back and wait for them to turn themselves in. I can't wait to apply these lessons to my own life!

#23 Say Goodbye

This cover isn't too bad. Granted, Todd and Elizabeth both have majorly poufy hair, but hey it was the 80's!

It's happening. The tragic, the inevitable, the absolute worse thing that has ever happened to Sweet Valley!

Todd is moving to Vermont 'sobs'.

Okay, you got me. I don't really care. Actually, I'm pretty thrilled because it means there will be no Liz and Todd drama in the upcoming books! Woohoo! This book should have been annoying, (A whole book about Elizabeth missing Todd? Barf.) It wasn't, thanks to Jessica's disastrous matchmaking efforts.

Now, Jessica is often attempting to play matchmaker, (or couple breaker-upper), but this time, she's a professional. Yes, dear readers, our selfish Jessica got a job! Jess ran up a $100 bill at Lisette's, and amazingly the Wakefield parents make her to get a job to pay for it. Hell has officially frozen over! Jess gets a job at a matchmaking company, answering phones...but we know that's not all she's going to do! (Where can I get a job like this? )

So Todd leaves, and Liz is a total mess. She writes to him every day and spends all of her free time pining over him and waiting for him to call. Everyone from Enid to her parents discourage her from having a long distance relationship with Todd, but she refuses to listen. It's almost enough to actually make me feel bad for Liz....almost. The important part is, Todd is gone! If I had more than one friend, I'd throw a party to celebrate.

Jessica is having her own problems though. And by problems, I mean that Jessica has a problem with Steve not dating anyone, and Liz moping over Todd. How dare they not go on dates with different people every weekend? The absolute nerve!

Jessica sets out to solve these troubling issues in the only way Jessica can, by scheming and sneaking around. When her boss steps out, Jess sneaks into her private office and starts going through all of the dating profiles to find the perfect woman for Steve, until her boss catches her. Does the boss fire her? Reprimand her? Oh no, of course not. The incredibly understanding boss actually gives Jess the keys to the office and invites her to look through the profiles anytime she wants. (seriously, how can I get this job?!)

Lucky Steven! Now our dear Jessica can find the perfect woman for him. Except Steven does not want her help-at all. He makes that pretty clear early in the book:
"Do me a favor, Jess. Don't help me again! I'm probably better off on my own."
Jessica completely ignores this, thinking to herself:
"He's so good looking"
Jessica decides that super hot Steve doesn't know what's good for him, and that by "don't help me", he meant "please Jessica, help me find a date!"

But wait, Liz needs Jess's help too! Jessica starts talking to Nicholas Morrow (you may remember him as the guy that guilted Liz into going on a date with him) Jess convinces Nic that Liz needs someone new in her life, and that new person is him! She compares Liz's love of Todd to smoking, telling Nic: "She got really dependent on him, and now she's having withdrawal symptoms"
Trust me Jess, cigarettes are much more exciting than Todd Wilkins.

Jessica even enlists the help of Mr. Collins, convincing him to give Liz an assignment to write a story on the upcoming sailing competition-which Nicholas is going to be competing in! With Jessica's encouragement, Nicholas calls Liz and offers her a ride to the competition. Elizabeth agrees, telling herself that Nic doesn't like her like that anymore, and that it's just a friendly gesture. Right.

This "friendly gesture" quickly turns romantic when Nicholas tells Liz that his boat has two names: the public name, Seabird and the private name, My favorite twin.
Gee, don't come on too strong or anything, Nic.

Liz is both uncomfortable and intrigued. Is Jessica's plan actually working? Guess so, because Liz agrees to go to a BBQ for Nic's cousin, Jeffrey. Jess "considered falling in love with him for a wild moment", but decided against it because Jeffrey is not rich. You dodged a bullet, Jeff!

Jess's plan is definitely not working with Steve, possibly because she picked a random 43 year old woman and didn't tell Steve that she was setting him up. She tells this poor woman that Steve was chosen for her by the matchmaking service, and instructs her to call Steve. Steve is totally confused and declines going on a date with her. This doesn't deter Jessica, who finds another woman from the matchmaking service, and tells her to show up at their house on Saturday.

How desperate are these women? If a matchmaking service told me to show up at some random guy's house without even speaking to him beforehand...well I might say yes, because I'm pretty desperate right now.

But let's get back to Elizabeth's dilemma. Despite all of the obvious signs that Nicholas wants more, Liz somehow convinces herself that he just wants to be friends. She even goes to a movie with him, and he kisses her after! Gasp, what would Todd think?! Well, being the doormat that he is, Todd would probably think "It's ok, I'll take you back".

Liz isn't sure about seeing Nicholas again, until Todd suddenly stops calling and writing for a week. After only a week, yes a week, of not hearing from Todd, Liz decides to start dating Nicholas. Jess is already fantasizing about what will happen when Liz and Nic get together, picturing the Morrow family naming a wing in their house "the Jessica wing" after her. Because people name things after you when you set them up with the amazing Elizabeth Wakefield.

But why did Todd disappear? You know this has something, (okay, everything), to do with Jessica! Jess answers the phone one day when Todd calls, and literally cries about how depressed Liz is, how she never leaves her room and is slacking on her schoolwork. Todd feels horrible and decides to back off. So instead of talking it over with Liz, he just ignores her. Smart.

Why does anyone in SVH still trust Jessica?! She's been proven to be a liar time and time again. Really, were they all dropped on their heads as babies?

Speaking of stupidity, the woman from the matchmaking service shows up at the house-and SHOCKER, Steven is not interested! Steve finds out that she's from the matchmaking service, that Jess works at, and is super angry. Naturally, Jessica's reaction is to set Steve up with one more woman from the agency, Melissa . Buttt when she tries to badger this woman into dating Steve, her response is " I've decided I prefer food to men." Good move, Melissa.

Don't worry too much about Steve's love life though (I know it was your top concern). Steve runs into Cara Walker when she's stuck with a flat tire on the highway. He helps her out, takes her to coffee after, and sparks fly! Cara's parents are getting divorced, and that has apparently made her less shallow and more appealing to Steve. Now I can rest easy, knowing that Steve will love again.

However, Betsy (you may remember her from Promises) is not pleased with this. She sees Steve with Cara at Lila's party, (did I mention there was a party? Well, there is.), and gets angry. She's pissed that Steve has "the nerve to carry on with someone else so soon after Trish". Hey, at least he waited a good 11 books to start dating again after Tricia's death. I mean, has she seen how quickly everyone else in SVH moves on from relationships???

As for Todd and Liz, Todd is back in town, (damn, already?), for the weekend. Todd's going to Lila's party to talk to Elizabeth. Problem is, Liz is going to the party with Nicholas! Uh oh! Liz wants to break things off with Nic because she still loves Todd, but she figures it would be best to do it after the party. After all, parties are SO rare in Sweet Valley, and she wouldn't want to mess up this party for Nic! As you may have guessed, things go bad. Todd walks in to see Liz slow-dancing with Nicholas and resting her head on his shoulder. The second she sees Todd, Liz pushes Nic away and runs after him. I'd feel bad for Nicholas, but I'm still not over how annoying he was in this book. No sympathy for you, Nic!

Todd stomps away and Liz has a major emotional breakdown. Elizabeth finds Todd, and
they have yet another sappy reunion-well kind of. They agree that they're still in love, but that they can't maintain the long-distance thing. Good, now we can stop hearing about Todd for the next few books. Dreams do come true!

We wrap up the book with Lila telling the twins that Betsy made a scene at her party. Former town tramp Betsy went up to Steve and Cara and freaked out, accusing him of forgetting about Tricia. Will Betsy stand in the way of Steve and Cara's budding love story?!? I'm dying to find out, and I know you are too!

Moral? If your boyfriend moves to Vermont, don't even bother with the long distance thing-especially if your boyfriend is anywhere near as dull as Todd Wilkins,
Don't use your matchmaking job to set your brother up with random women!
Good, solid life lessons. Thanks again, Sweet Valley!

Runaway #21

Yup the pic was taken on a pack of canned peas. I love my peas. Oh it feels so good to be back! I already started this re cap quite awhile ago, and now I'm gonna finish it. I'm even re-reading the book for accuracy. This is serious stuff, people.

According to this cover, "Jessica has had enough!". Yes, clearly Jessica has had enough of nice clean clothes. Just look at what she's wearing! That grey sweater just screams dirty! And this is the stylish twin? Other then that, Jess doesn't look half bad on this cover (she looks a lot younger then some covers where they have her looking 35).

So what Jessica has reallly had enough of is her twin Elizabeth's never-ending perfection. Fair enough, I think anyone reading these books either hates Liz, or strongly dislikes her most of the time. This plot actually started in the last book (Crash Landing!), when Liz got their parents a better anniversary gift then Jess, and just generally showed her up throughout the book.

Steve (borrrrring) is taking a break from school due to his depression over Tricia's death, and Elizabeth thinks that the best way to cheer him up would be to drag him to Cara's party. Who knows why, since he doesn't even like Cara. In another dumb move, Elizabeth insists that Jessica be the one to invite him..even though he's already annoyed at Jess for trying to set him up with Cara before.

Predictably, Steve gets his panties all in a bunch and basically accuses Jessica of being insensitive. Elizabeth has to come a smooth things over and convince Steve to go. Steve goes as Jessica's date (seems fitting after reading the semi-creepy exchange between them in this book), and neither of them are thrilled to be at this party.

BTW, There's a random moment (before the party), at the Dairi Burger with Cara and Jessica (I guess Jess is trying to convince Cara that Steve is cool or something...I don't care.). And in walks Nicky Shepard with his "gang". They're bad. They're real bad. They hang out at the Shady Lady bar across the street! There's drug rumors! Nicky drives a fast car and he has "rugged good looks". You know he's a rebel. He approaches their table, (who could resist a Wakefield??!), and charms Jess. Not hard, all he had to do was tell her that she was cooler then Liz.

Why is this important? Because Nicky shows up at Cara's party. Jess is being mopey because everyone isn't feeding her narcissism for once, and Nicky charms her once again. This time, they sneak off to be alone. Then they start hooking up, and one thing leads to another...ha! Kidding, kidding. This is Sweet Valley, folks. What they actually do is have a "deep" conversation. Nicky even says he "likes being sad". Deep.

Liz continues to be annoying and make Jess look bad by being..well herself. When Nicky and Jess dance, (the whole party is aghast by this display of rebellion), and leave together, Liz and Steve get parental. Geez they're so annoying. I mean Liz even discusses Jess's "behavior" with Mom and Pop Wakefield. I'd run away too, Jess. Oops, gave away the surprise ending!

The family continues to crap all over Jess, making fun of her when she tries to make dinner and treating her like an annoying child. Though to be fair, she is pretty damn childish. Also, there's a back story involving a custody battle and Ricky Capaldo (remember him?), I can't bring myself to care, and I refuse to torture readers with it. You're welcome.

So fast forward through all this crap, and we get to Nicky reaching his breaking point. His parents don't seem to like him much and he's got friends "in business" in San Francisco. He finallllllly Runs Away. About damn time. Surprisingly, Jess decides to follow suite. Did you see that coming? I'm shocked, I tell you. And you know Jess couldn't leave for the Run Away Express, (my snazzy name for the bus), without leaving a melodramatic note. Oh, and stealing some of Liz's clothes. For someone who says Liz isn't stylish, she sure seems to steal her clothes a lot.

So blah blah blah blah, Jess regrets it the second she boards the Run Away Express. Because who could live away from Sweet Valley and be happy? I know not living in SV is the main cause of my troubles. Liz and Steve track her down, and they reunite. Promises are made to treat each other better, and there's a sappy "home is where the heart is " type message. I'm touched. Jess writes a letter to Nicky, and promptly forgets all about him.

 We end with Miss Nosy, (Liz, if you didn't guess), speculating about Dee Dee and Bill's relationship. OMG are they gonna be okay?!?!?!? We find out in our next story, Too Much In Love

Morals. Don't one-up your twin sister. Don't hang out with bad boys, even if they are "ruggedly handsome". Umm...stay in school? Don't ignore your SVH blog for nearly two years?

If you stuck with me through that, thanks for reading and leave a comment. Your opinions on these issues matter!

Showdown #19

Lila is way cute on this cover, even though she's wearing a very blah-looking gray sweater.  I wouldn't think a stuck-up rich girl like her would be caught dead in that sweater. Jessica looks kinda worn-out, and for some reason my first thoughts were "crack head" and "cougar" when I saw her.

We're picking up from the last book, where Lila met the mysterious construction worker Jack. She brags to everyone about him, and plans the mandatory Lila-pool-party to show off her new man. Jessica automatically wants him, (because why on earth should she let her best friend have a decent guy? Thats what friends are for.), and starts trying to get her claws into him immediately.

The second Lila leaves them alone for two minutes, Jessica practically forces her phone number down Jack's throat and tells him to call her. Being the faithful type, he calls Jessica up for a date not long after the party. He also schedules a date on a different day with Lila. What a winner! Jess knows he's taking Lila out, but doesn't care once she gets her date with him.

After one date and a bunch of sappy making-out, (he even names a star after her! Omg romantic!), Jessica is in LOVE. And she just knows that he'll get rid of that pest Lila soon and be all hers. And we just know this isn't going to be nearly that simple.

Jess seems to think that because he's charming and went to a prep school on the East Coast, he must be some kind of royalty. She pictures herself being by his side in some stupid royal castle 12 year-old fantasy.

Jack even tells Lila he wants to marry her, and to keep the "engagement" a secret, because "they'd jump on the story in a second". Who "they" is, no one, including Lila, knows. But naturally she assumes that, wow, he must be really important!! She's totally thrilled to be engaged to this sexy mystery man she barely knows. Ah to be sixteen again.

Oh, and money and valuable items keeps disappearing around Jack, he acts strangely when his past is brought up, and sometimes behaves as if he's on drugs. Tons of obvious signs that everyone misses, and as usual Liz notices something isn't right, but doesn't want to think the worst of someone. 'Sigh'
Basically much of the book is just Jack dating both girls, Lila on the weekdays and Jess on the weekends.

Here's the rundown:

Jessica and Lila "OMG Jack I love you!!! You're so amazing, perfect man, together forever lalalala, he must be royalty since he's sooo mysterious!"

Jack (to both of them) "I love you and I named a star after you! We'll never be apart, just don't ask about my past or I'll get all irritated. But don't worry, I've got nothin' bad to hide..."


Jessica " He's gonna dump Lila any second now! Annnny second...."


Elizabeth "Hmmm this guy sounds suspicious, but I'm going to keep out of this until someone is in danger because for once I'm minding my own business."

And you know someone is about to be in danger. And who else but Jessica? She goes out on another date with Jack, and they go back to his apartment (side note- PARENTS? Hellllllo??? You're just fine with your sixteen-year-old in some adult man's apartment? And yes they met and approved of this older man for their teen daughter. Ugggh) Jess finds all kinds of drugs in Jack's bathroom. Weed, "white powder" and pills of all kinds. Sounds like my kinda guy.

Then when she goes to confront him, she finds him digging in her purse. Yes, instead of making some excuse to leave safely, she confronts an unpredictable drug-user in his apartment. Mmmm smart. Jack drops his nice-guy B.S after she calls him a "phony" (the idea!), and things get violent when he starts trying to choke Jessica out.

Of course Liz has already figured out that Jack is a fake, because Nicholas and his friend David know Jack. They tell her the real story about him. His whole family died in a boating accident, and he started doing drugs and making up crazy stories about his life. They all rush to get Jessica (somehow, they know she's at his apartment), after Elizabeth makes a call to Lila and gets his address. Lila seems more annoyed about Jess trying to sneak behind her back with Jack then anything else.

You know the rest, Elizabeth and friends get there just in the nick of time to save Jessica, and give her most of the credit for saving herself, even calling her a "heroine". Um, ok. Jack goes to jail, and the worst parents ever, (Ned and Alice), wax on about how they think a "troubled boy like that" needs counseling, not jail. How about you two just don't give advice?

Sub-plot is Elizabeth catching Enid's boyfriend George in an embrace with former fatso Robin Wilson. Turns out they fell in love during flying school, and they have this whole sob story for Liz about how they didn't mean to fall in love and cheat on their respective significant others, it just happened! Liz is a terrible friend, so she agrees to say nothing to Enid until George is ready to tell her. What!?! If I found something like that out, I would tell my best friend right away!

See how all of this goes down in the next book, Crash Landing!

Moral of this lovely story? If a guy is super mysterious, he's probably a drug addict with major issues. What would I do without the dating advice I've gotten from SVH? (Possibly I'd actually get dates, and not sit around recapping SVH books....)