#25 Nowhere to run

So I STILL don't have book #24, Memories. I thought I'd wait until I got it...then I got distracted by moving, new job etc. By the way, my brother saw my SVH collection when he was helping me move and he looked at me like I had brain damage. Which I probably do. But screw that, I miss this ridiculous blog! So, on to #25, Nowhere to Run. Don't be fooled by the dramatic title, this book is not all that thrilling.

On the cover we have Emily looking distraught and Saint Liz comforting her. So creative. I don't blame the artist. Not their fault that nearly every book involves Elizabeth comforting/counseling/patronizing someone. Emily is also wayyyy prettier than Liz. Funny how the other characters are often better looking than the legendary Wakefields on the covers.

Naturally the book starts off with the obligatory description of the Wakefield (gorgeous, heart-shaped faces, shiny blond hair yadda yadda yadda). Jessica is described as being on "Jessica Standard Time" which is a cutesy way of saying that she's chronically late to everything and too selfish too care about how that may inconvenience others. People that are always late drive me freaking nuts. Annoying.

The Wakefield grandparents are coming to town, and the twins are super stoked. (Yeah I just used the word stoked. I'm bringin' it back.) While Jessica is gushing over the upcoming grandparent visit, Liz is distracted by Droid's drummer Emily Mayer, who appears to be upset. It's like Elizabeth has a radar for people in distress. Someone is having a problem? I MUST MEDDLE! Em and Droids singer Dana are discussing the baby that Em's step mom just had. Dana thinks it must be fun having a new baby around the house, Emily (and me) disagree. Emily makes a dramatic exit, yelling about how her step mom Karen wants to get rid of her and how she won't let that happen. Liz furrows her brow and acts concerned.

Emily isn't being dramatic-Karen really is out to get her. Ever since she had baby Karrie (don't you love the K theme? Is this where Kris Kardashian got the idea?) she's been threatening to send Emily to boarding school. She's convinced Em's dad that the Droids are too wild (HAHAHAHA) and a bad influence. She's a real-life evil stepmother!

Emily joins the school newspaper to make Karen happy, and ends up pouring her heart out to Liz. Elizabeth does her typical concerned routine and it's all very touching. Yawn. Emily bores me. Liz bores me. I'm bored.

So on to the Wakefield grandparents visit! Grandpa and Grandma Wakefield are charming and perfect..and mama Alice is jealous. Yes, Alice is jealous of the attention her in-laws are getting from the twins. She dramatically tells Ned that she must have been neglecting the twins and that she feels like she's "lost touch" with them. Was she ever in touch with them? Even in the SVKids and Twins books, she wasn't paying much attention to them. The whole thing is stupid. (I don't like this book..is it obvious yet?)

Meanwhile, in Emily-land, Evil Karen is forcing Em to babysit and treating her like an indentured servant. Emily's dad seems to be totally oblivious. The one bright spot in Emily's dreary existence is her blossoming friendship/romance with Droids drummer Dan. I don't think band members dating is a good idea, but hey, I'm freakin' tone deaf so what do I know about these things. ('sobs' I'll NEVER get to be in the Droids! So many crushed dreams.)

Before I go further let me mention that Emily's mom is not dead-that's just what she tells everyone. Truth is, her mom ran off with some other guy. You don't want news like that to get around Sweet Valley- cheating is only okay if you're Jessica Wakefield.

Emily invites Dan over to show him her new drum something or other, and Karen flies off the handle. Psycho Karen screams at her and even calls her a "tramp just like her mother". Dayum. It's super awkward for Dan and he leaves. What's the first thing Emily does after this embarrassing scene? Uh-huh..she calls Elizabeth. Never saw that coming. She goes to the Wakefield home and is comforted by Grandma Wakefield, who is actually pretty likeable. A likeable Wakefield? I must be getting soft in my old age.

Em tries to talk with her dad, who refuses to believe that he married a two-faced monster. She avoids Dan and Dan confides in-barf- Elizabeth. Not a close friend, nope, of course not. Liz should really just open a counseling office at the school. I don't recall SVH having a school counselor...maybe they just figure Liz already does it, so why bother? Liz gives her typical vague, useless advice.

The poor girl is so distraught that she decides to sell her drums, hoping that it will placate Super Bitch Karen. Dan buys the drums "for a friend", because he knows she's gonna regret selling them. Aw that's sweet. I'm actually not being sarcastic.

The major dramatic event of this seemingly never-ending book is when Emily saves baby Karrie from choking. Karrie chokes, Karen starts to lose it, Em slaps her to snap her out of it and performs the Heimlich maneuver on Karrie. Em's dad walks in and sees Karen sobbing and holding the baby, and assumes that Emily tried to hurt Karrie. He acts completely unreasonable and kicks Emily out. I'm starting to understand why Emily's mom ran off with another guy.

Speaking of her mom, Emily is at her wit's end and starts planning to take a bus to Chicago and live with her mother. The plan falls apart when Emily discovers that her mom ran off to Mexico with some guy awhile ago and never bothered to tell her. More boring stuff happens. Emily ends up at the Wakefield home again. Krazy Karen and Em's dad go there to talk to her, and everything is sorted out. They apologize to Emily and they all reunite right there at the magical Wakefield residence. Dan surprises Emily with her drums, and they admit to liking each other, I guess. I wasn't really paying attention.

Throughout this engaging novel there's some more crap about how Alice is jelly over all of the attention grandpa and grandma are getting. Dumb. The twins pick up on this and have a special dinner or something to soothe Alice's hurt feelings. Once again, dumb.

Thank God this book is over. I already know the next book is gonna be much better because it involves Regina and a cray cray hostage situation! Bring it on!

Moral of this lame story? Don't save your baby half-sister from choking because your dad will blame you. Don't be too nice to your grandparents, cause' your mom will get jealous. Don't sell your drum set!

When Love Dies #12

Where to begin with this cover? What's up with the whole hanging-over-the-shoulder pose? I swear like 70% of SVH books have that pose, although it's usually Elizabeth looking over someone's shoulder patronizingly.
And what is Tricia wearing? Is it supposed to be some kind of nightgown or a hospital gown....? Steven looks a older than eighteen to me, but then again Tricia is no prize herself., with that horrifying orange-y red perm and all.

This is probably going to be relatively short, since it's a Steven book, and what could be more boring?
So things between Tricia and Steven still aren't going too great. She's ignoring his calls, and avoiding him. Steven is totally unhinged by this, and is desperate to figure out what her deal is.

Jessica is thrilled that things are rocky between them, and crassly suggests that Tricia's with other guys (just like her trampy sister, Betsy!). Liz and Steven both defend Tricia, saying something must be wrong and she's not like that.

Well, turns out something is majorly wrong. Tricia has leukemia and has only been given about six months to live, but doesn't want to hurt Steven by telling him. So instead, she let's him think that she's found someone new when he confronts her at her house. Great plan! I'm sure this will go well.

As for the twins, Jessica hears from Cara Walker that T.V talk show host Jeremy Frank is in the nearby Fowler hospital. She gets all excited because, OMG it's another guy she can chase!

Turns out that Cara got that info from a girl she knows who volunteers as a candy striper in the hospital, so Jess has now decided that volunteering is an awesome idea, and convinces Elizabeth to do it with her. Liz is a little weirded out by Jess's sudden philanthropy, but goes with it like the doormat she is.

Liz is the first one to run into Jeremy Frank, and after telling Jess about it, Jessica's reaction reveals her real motive for volunteering. Liz is morally offended and doesn't want her other half bothering Jeremy at the hospital, (But she gives Jess the number of the room he was in. Not helping things, Liz.)We already know Jess is going to bother Jeremy as much as humanely possible.

Jessica does indeed do just that, and botches things up pretty bad when she falls on his broken leg and breaks the cables holding his leg up. Good first impression Jess! But of course she's not done with Jeremy yet, and promises herself she'll find a way to earn a spot on his talk show.

Elizabeth spots Tricia at the hospital looking sick, and thinks that she might be visiting her new guy, maybe an orderly that works there. Because someone who appears sick at a hospital wouldn't be there because they were...sick, right? Tricia runs away when Elizabeth tries to get her attention, and I can't blame her, because if I was that sick, the last thing I'd want to do is talk to Liz. Actually, I could be totally healthy, and talking to Liz would still be the last thing I'd want to do.

Jessica just can't stop meddling and scheming, (...like every other book), and continues to put her Steve and Cara matchmaking plan in motion. She lies to Steven and tells him Cara's having a party that night, and after some convincing, she gets him to agree to go.

The only problem with this, is that Cara has no idea that she's even throwing a party that night. Jessica lets her know, saying to just "put some potato chips out and invite a few people."  I would seriously slap her. Who does that?!?

The "party" ends up consisting of Cara, Lila and her date Jim, Steven, and Jessica with her date, Aaron Dallas. (Aaron is one of those characters that only pops up to serve as someone's date once in awhile. That is, until his parents divorce and and entire book is dedicated to him flipping out.)

This party is every bit as awkward as it sounds, with Cara feeling like a fool, clumsily explaining to Steve that she invited a lot of people, but they didn't show up. That doesn't help her case with Steve, and neither does the fact that all he can think about is Tricia.

Cara does happen to have some interesting news for Steve, telling him that Caroline Pierce saw Tricia "draped all over some other guy". Suddenly, Steve has changed his tune and is dancing with Cara, although he still can't stop thinking about Tricia.

Steve figures he might as well date Cara since he'll never stop loving Tricia anyways (?), and even plans to go out with her that weekend.

Back at the hospital, Jessica screws up her chances with the fabulous Jeremy even more by spilling ice water all over him during his sponge bath. Elizabeth realizes how much her sister is torturing Jeremy, and has to figure out a way to stop her before they both get fired. (Because no one fires Liz, dammit.)

She approaches Jeremy with a plan: have Jeremy act like he's falling in love with Jess, and go completely over the top to scare Jess away. She tells her mom about this plan, who thinks it's just hilarious...not the way I would expect a mom to act, but Alice is not anything close to mom-of-the-year.

Jeremy starts sending Jessica flowers and telling her how awesome she is. She loves it, until he proclaims his undying love and asks her to marry him. The idea of commitment is, of course, enough to make her run for the hills, and she's outta there. I wonder what he would've done if she had said yes? I mean, she probably would cheat on him, and find some other guy within a week anyway, but still....  

Elizabeth hears about a patient her age and decides to go spread her cheery Wakefield charm. But imagine her shock when, gasp, it's none other then Tricia Martin! She has leukemia! Oooohhh so that's why she looked so sick. Now it all makes sense doesn't it? Tricia explains things to Elizabeth, and makes her promise to keep it a secret.

To add to Elizabeth's problems, a creepy orderly named Carl has been making her uncomfortable. He stares at her intensely and almost seems to be following her. She tells no one, (so typical), because she reasons that it's not illegal to look at her. But why wouldn't she at least mention to Todd or her family ? 'Sigh' who knows...

Liz is getting her panties in a major twist over the whole dilemma. Tell Steve or not? Legally she's not supposed to, with patient confidentiality and all, but more importantly, she promised not to tell. And we all know how Liz can be when it comes to promises.(I would still have told Steven if I were her. I mean, Tricia's dying already right? So does it matter that much if you keep her secret? Maybe I'm just insensitive.) Elizabeth goes to Mr.Collins and tells him her issue. He gives her his usual follow-your-heart talk and she knows what she needs to do.

Cara and Steve go to a college party, (Steve actually has college friends?), and blah blah blah all he can think about is Tricia cuz she's his one true love blah blah. He even recalls recently following a girl who looked similar to Tricia around his school. Turns out Tricia has more look-alikes in the later books, (and yes, Steve exhibits the same stalker behavior with them as well.)

When Cara tells him he needs to forget Tricia if her and him are going to be couple, Steve tells her off "Do you think I could replace Tricia just like that? As if she were a car or something?" alright Steven finally got some balls! Because seriously, Cara was being super pushy in this book.

Later on, Elizabeth tells Steven the real reason Tricia dumped him, and he rushes to be with her. They have a whole mushy, sad reunion and he vows to stick with her until the end. Oh, and the guy she was "draped all over"? We learn she actually almost fainted, and the man was just helping her to her car. Goes to show you, never listen to Caroline Pierce's b.s gossip. She's an evil, redheaded liar!

It turns out I was right about Jessica taking up Jeremy's offer, she decides after some deliberation that an engagement to him could really help boost her non-existent Hollywood career.  It's pretty funny, because she announces her acceptance of his proposal, and he laughs in her face.

She finds out it was all a joke, and then uses that to her advantage by guilt-tripping him into giving her her own segment on his talk show, Frankly Speaking. God, I wish I had her power to twist every bad situation into something good for me. What the hell.

End with Elizabeth walking to her car outside of the hospital, all the while being unknowingly followed by Carl the weirdo orderly. He chloroforms and kidnaps her, leaving us in utter suspense until the next book-the cleverly named, Kidnapped!