Special Christmas

It's almost Christmas, so I'm doing this book a little early (actually I just don't have the next book, Too Much in Love yet, and I'm bored. Shhh.).

Jessica appears to be doing some type of dance while squinting one eye, and the color of her shirt is a really icky shade of pink. Elizabeth has her standard barrettes, and both twins have these odd half-surprised, half stoned looks on their faces.
This is the first of many Christmas-times to come in SVH (and they're all in one junior year, in typical time-is-irrelevant SVH fashion). This Super Special takes place a few months after Todd has moved to Vermont (Say Goodbye ) and Todd is coming back to visit all of his friends and Liz for the holidays. For some reason, Elizabeth has to make herself a nervous wreck over "where she and Todd stand" and what to get him for Christmas. Gosh, even when we think Todd is gone, they find some way to include Liz and Todd drama.

But there's really no reason to even bother with the tired Elizabeth and Todd Saga, because the real excitement is the news that Alice and Ted drop on their kids before Christmas break starts...
Suzanne Devlin is spending vacation with them!

For those who don't know who Suzanne is, she is the gorgeous daughter of some random rich friends of Ned and Alice that live in New York. Last time she came for a visit, she falsely accused Mr. Collins of sexually assaulting her, stole Elizabeth's lavaliere necklace, and was just all-around super fake bitch in Too Good To Be True.

When they get the news that the she-devil is back, Steve, Jess and even doormat Liz are all against her coming, and loudly object. The only excuse Ned and Alice have is that "she insisted". But there seems to be something more about Suzanne's visit then they are letting on.

The three of them dub themselves the "terrible trio" (SO lame) and start thinking of ways to keep Suzanne from coming and ruining their vacation. As if they don't get enough vacations. First plan is to have Elizabeth call Suzanne and try to convince her not to go. Suzy absolutely insists on coming out there and making things right, and gushes about how sorry she is, so that plan's a big fail.

The "terrible trio" comes up with another plan, they'll run Suzy out of town! And how will they do this, you ask? Simple, act like assholes towards her and ignore her until she realizes how unwelcome she is and leaves. Liz wimps out pretty quickly when she notices that Suzy seems sick, and is civil to her.
Jessica enlists the help of Aaron Dallas and others to torment Suzanne with mean "presents", such as notes with the letters all cut out from newspapers saying "SUZY DEVLIN GO HOME". Geez, guess she really rubbed some people the wrong way.

Jessica was in New York visiting the Devlins (and trying to steal Suzanne's boyfriend at the time, with bad results) during Suzanne's visit and never met her, but heard everything that happened while she was gone. Never mind that in the end of Too Good To Be True, Liz tells Jess nothing about what happened. Guess someone told her, 'cause even though she's never met the girl, she already hates her and is ready to make her time in Sweet Valley hell.

There's a dumb little side-story with all of SVH doing this "secret Santa" thing.  I've never heard of an entire school doing this. Maybe a class, but the whole school? Anyway, this results in some pretty lame displays and gifts, such as Enid's secret Santa Bill Chase having the whole swim team, (including himself), serenade her at the Dairi Burger. Or one of Lila's gifts, an issue of vogue with a ribbon around it left on her doorstep.

Oh, and Jessica is super sure that her secret Santa is sexy exchange student Hans (who?) but it's Winston Eggbert. Haha. Turns out Lila got Hans. Hans is a one hit wonder, never to be seen at SVH again.

A not-so-interesting plot twist, turns out Suzanne and Todd met in Vermont ,(where Todd now lives), when she was on vacation and they hung out for a little while. Todd has asked Suzanne not to say anything to Liz, and he's been acting weird around Suzy since she got there.

Elizabeth can sense that she and Todd aren't the way they used to be, and is ready to accept the end of their relationship. I'm sure we're all ready for that. She confides in good old Enid, and Enid's response is:

"Boy, it's kind of hard to imagine you and Todd having problems. You always seemed like the dream couple to me."
Really, Enid? No, seriously? Is she blind?

Our darling schemer Jess comes up with another plan, this time involving Aaron Dallas. Suzanne had left Aaron a message earlier, saying she wanted to take him out for lunch and apologize for her past behavior. Jessica gets Aaron to call her back and invite her to a fake party at an abandoned address in the middle of nowhere. Jess is sure this will send Suzanne running home. Liz has the standard Elizabeth Wakefield heart-to-heart with Suzanne, decides that old Suzy isn't so bad, and convinces Jess to back off.

 Butttt just as Jessica is about to cancel the Aaron Dallas scheme, she hears Suzanne and Todd chatting on the phone. She decides that Suzy only came out there because she knew Todd would be there, and she's planning to steal him from Liz! Jess is furious, because only she is allowed to steal men from her twin.

So the plan is back on!

Suzy drinks some champagne (!) with Todd and the "terrible trio". She then gets a call from Aaron telling her that she has to drive down to meet him. Suzy hesitates, but ends up taking the Fiat down to what she thinks is a party (or dance, or something? I wasn't paying attention). One minor detail here, Suzanne just happened to start taking a new medication that night. Since her doctor didn't answer her call, she assumes one drink with it is fine. But dun dun dunnn...it's not!

There's a call from the doc and all hell breaks loose. Suzanne can't even have one drink on this new medication or she might DIE! OMG. (side note-is that possible? To die from one drink mixed with a medication? I'm genuinely curious.) The Wakefields rush off to find her, and of course Jess moans about how guilty she feels. Sound familiar? Along the way we learn that Suzanne has Multiple Sclerosis and didn't want anyone to know because then they would feel obligated to forgive her.

We end up at the hospital, where Suzanne is recovering from a car crash brought on by the med and alcohol mixing. Suzy is mostly fine and she gets apologies from the twins and everyone else. Then something big happens-Suzanne doesn't have MS! She actually has some kind of central nerve infection that they mistook for MS. The Sweet Valley swim team sings 'Silent Night' and all is well. I cry tears of joy.

Oh and Todd Like Likes Suzy. And she Like Likes him back! Liz is totally cool with all of this, and everyone's happy. I don't think Todd and Suzanne's romance, (or Suzanne, period) ,are ever mentioned again.

There's also some kind of sorta-B story that ends with Jessica tricking Lila into passing out candy to kids dressed as an Elf (wearing a green trash bag, no less). I can't think of a worse punishment....Jessica is a truly evil person. Oh, the humanity!

Moral of Special Christmas? Christmas comes approximately 25 times a year if you live in Sweet Valley! Also, Christmas is the ideal time to apologize to all of the people you accused of sexual assault, stole from and lied to. I'll keep that in mind. Thanks, SVH!

Too Good To Be True #11

Elizabeth looks almost "special' on this cover, I think the artist overdid her "I can't figure this girl out" face a little. Suzanne doesn't look as supermodel pretty on this cover as she's described in the book, but can't we say that for most characters' covers? (Especially the Wrong Kind of Girl cover. Ugh).
We're continuing from the last book, where the twins get the exciting news that the sophisticated daughter of some family friends is coming to stay with them during yet another SVH school break. They seem to get a lot of time off of school. While she's visiting, one of the twins is going to New York and staying with the Devlin's.

Jessica, of course, realllly wants to go to New York.
She imagines her trip to NY would go something like this:

"she would be strolling through the glittering aisles at Tiffany's, and the owner would rush up to her, holding out a priceless emerald necklace. 'It's made for you, my dear,' he says. 'Look how the jewels match your eyes' He waves aside her protests that she can't afford such an expensive necklace. 'No, you must consider it a gift.It's payment enough for me just to see you wearing it.' "

At a Manhattan disco: "Suddenly, a hand touches her arm. She turns. 'Pardon me,' Mick Jagger says, 'I believe the next dance is mine.' "

"She might even be discovered by one of the top modeling agencies. Within a few weeks, her face would be the cover of Cosmopolitian"

Yeah. I need to list the some of things wrong with this whole fantasy:

-Since when does Tiffany's hand out jewelry to non-famous people? No Jessica, you are not considered famous outside of Sweet Valley.

- Mick Jagger? Sounds more like the fantasy of a 40 year old, even back in the 80's when this was written.

-And even so, would Mick Jagger really be so entranced by some random 16 year old-who shouldn't even be at a Manhattan nightclub?
                                        
 -A modeling career and a huge magazine cover, all in a few weeks. Ambitious, isn't she?
                                     
Jessica's fantasy is crushed when they flip a coin, and Liz is the twin that gets to go to New York. We all know this will never work out, because how boring would Elizabeth be in NY? She'd probably go on a museum tour. Yawn. Jess throws her usual tantrum until Elizabeth predictably lets her go to NY instead.

Jess leaves, and they wait for Suzanne at the airport. Alice gets on her mothering high-horse, talking about how Suzanne has been in boarding schools most of her life.
"I suppose there's nothing wrong with it, but I don't see how I ever could have sent you kids away like that. Maybe I'm just old-fashioned, but I think children belong at home until they're ready for college."
Right Alice. Steven jokingly responds that he's in college, and she's still stuck with him practically every weekend! Har har. Yeah we're all stuck with you. Maybe you should be at college more, Steve.

Speaking of Steve, there are of course, the obligatory pages updating us on the status of him and Tricia Martin's relationship. It's not going that well. But who really cares? (I gotta admit, I'm not really looking forward to #12 When Love Dies. All about Tricia and Steven. Yuck).

The amazing Suzanne appears, (the book never fails to mention how glamorous, thin, and sophisticated she is on  nearly every page), and the whole family just loves her! She's super-duper nice and polite, and even does things like offer to dishes after dinner. They're practically ready to trade in Jessica for good at this point.

They have the thousandth pool party of the series, in honor of Suzanne, and the ghostwriter reallly over does it here with reminding us how perfect Suzanne supposedly is.
"Though she wasn't stunning like Suzanne, Enid had a prettiness that was all her own."
Don't feel bad if you don't measure up to Suzanne's impossible standards. You have a prettiness all your own! How condescending.

Inappropriately close to his students as always, Mr. Collins is barbequing at the party. Suzanne is checking his sexy ass out, and who wouldn't? He does look like "a young Robert Redford", as the ghostwriters have told us 9000 times. She fakes drowning just to get his attention, and he jumps in a saves her. Liz finds Suzanne's "close call" a little strange, since she saw Suzanne swimming earlier and knows she can swim well, but decides to let it go. Typical Liz.

Elizabeth's gold laveliere necklace dissappears (both twins were given matching necklaces for their 16th b-day), and she can't seem to find it anywhere. Hmm strange.
Even Lila uncharacteristically gets in on the Suzanne butt-kissing action, tellling her that she is soooo gorgeous, (ok we get it!), and should be a model.

We then learn that Suzy is the one responsible for stealing the necklace. I'm guessing she did it just to cause trouble, because I'm sure she already has plenty of nice jewelry.
Liz, Todd, and Suzy stop at Mr. Collins' house so Liz can drop off some stuff for the paper. Suzanne asks some inappropriate personal questions about Mr. C's personal life, and then volunteers to take the papers in for Liz.

Here's an idea of just how sexy Mr. Collins looks:
"He was wearing only a pair of white jogging shorts and a red bandanna to keep his longish strawberry-blonde hair out of his eyes. Suzanne's gaze strayed down to his bare, muscular chest, which was deeply tanned and slick with perspiration."
Wow.

Suzanne "accidentally"drops a glass of water on her thin t-shirt, revealing her sexy little bikini top underneath. Geez this is starting to sound like some bad softcore porn. Mr. C is not amused by her antics, although he does blush a little bit after she makes some more sexual innuendos before she leaves.

We are reminded AGAIN how amazing and hot Suzy is, when class clown Winston spells out "I love you" on the Wakefield's front lawn just for her. Since his girl Mandy Farmer moved away apparently, Win is now stuck on Suzanne. Wow I would be pissed if I were the Wakefield's. Like hello, he tp'd their lawn! I know he's "the class clown", but really. Too far, Win.

The sub plot here is all about Jessica's trip to New York, which, surprise surprise, doesn't go quite like she imagined. First off, The Devlin's pay almost no attention to Jess, except for a few outings here and there. Second, Pete, Suzanne's hot older boyfriend, isn't falling for Jessica's Wakefield twin charms! Whaaatttt?

Pete patronizes her and ignores her, and this only makes her more determined to get him. (This is a pretty common thing for Jessica. A guy dares to not want her? She'll do anything to get him now!)

It never occurs to her that he might just be ignoring her shameless advances, because he has a girlfriend (the perfect Suzanne! Hello!). Sigh.
She calls up Liz later, and lies her ass off about how crazy about her Pete is, and what an amazing time she's having. Liz doesn't feel "a drop of envy", because she's lucky enough to be in the presence of the amazing, angelic Suzanne.

Jess hangs up and re-lives the other night in her head, and we learn that Suzanne's waspy, sophisticated friends threw a dinner party to welcome her. The party didn't go so well, as Jessica ended up drinking too much champagne and puking while Suzy's friends sneered at her for not being able to hold her liquor. I don't think anyone from Sweet Valley can hold their liquor. Maybe it's something in the water.

Jess continue to lust after Pete, and he's still not responding, until one day they are alone together in the Devlin's place, and he almost-rapes her. He reasons,
"You've been begging for it from the day I met you"
No comment on that one...
She calls him the "meanest person on earth". I guess that's how I'd describe someone who nearly raped me too?
The Devlin's walk in just in time to save Jess from her predicament.

Now, back to Suzanne and Liz. Suzy volunteers to take Elizabeth's place on a babysitting job, so she can go out with Todd. And guess who's kid she's babysitting? Yup, Mr. Collins' son Teddy.
She tells Liz not to call or notify Mr. C of the switch, she'll take care of it. Of course she doesn't and just shows up unexpectedly to babysit. Mr. C is a little wary since Liz didn't even let him know about the switch, but gets over that a little too quickly, and leaves his kid with a stranger. Suzy is all smiles with Teddy, until his father leaves, and then she ditches the kid to go snoop through Mr. C's stuff. She's trying to find something incriminating, and finds nothing.

We learn that she's blackmailed before, using a bag of weed she found in her cousin's purse to make her poor cousin her slave. Ooh she's so evil!

Mr.Collins gets back, and Suzanne tries to seduce him blatantly this time, wrapping herself around him, and telling him that she's a "big girl" and won't tell anyone. He refuses, and she's totally mad and seeking revenge.

She makes up a story about Mr. Collins sexually harassing her and cries to Liz about it, who seems to believe someone she just met, over a trusted teacher she's known forever. And she's the loyal twin. Geez.
She comes across her necklace in Suzanne's suitcase, and finally starts to realize Suzy might not be an angel after all.

Oh, it's Lila's b-day by the way, and she's throwing the biggest party ever! On the way to said party, Todd and Liz discuss Elizabeth's necklace and Mr. Collins. They stop by Mr. C's house, and he's a total dramatic-looking wreck. After a quick talk, Liz is sure that Suzanne is lying about the almost-rape incident.

She and Todd arrive at Lila's bash, and Suzy is flirting with everyone and being her little fake-perfect self. Liz pulls her aside and confronts her with everything. Suzy is full of really bad, obvious lies, and Liz isn't buying it. She even calls her "the biggest loser of all." Burn! 

Suzanne heads out to do some damage control, and tells gossipy Cara that she's worried about Liz, because Liz hit her head on the pool the other day, and has been acting really strange! Just like her motorcycle incident.
Cara runs off to go spread the news, and Suzanne is confident that no one will believe anything Elizabeth says now.

Annoying redhead Caroline Pierce tells the story to Enid, and Enid, (being one of the only relatively smart people around at this party), knows this story is suspect.

She tells Liz, who confronts Suzanne right in the middle of the dance floor. It's nice to see Elizabeth have some balls for once. A crowd gathers around them, and Suzanne acts like Liz is just crazy. Winston Eggbert saves the day, when he accidentally-on-purpose trips and spills his glass of punch all over Suzanne, who shows her true colors by flipping out on him and calling him a "big, stupid dog". I love SVH insults.

She tries to backtrack, but it's too late, and everyone can see that she really is "Too Good to be True". (sorry, I just had to do that). Mr Collins is cleared, and Suzy is back home. Jessica returns, and is full of more lies about how great things were with her and Pete. Elizabeth doesn't tell Jessica anything about the story of Suzanne, and makes it sound like nothing special happened. I'm not sure why. Won't Jessica find out what really happened through all of her gossipy friends? And aren't they supposed to be like thisclose because they're twins? SVH books always leave me with so many questions.

We end with more crap about Tricia "boring" Martin, and the equally-boring Steven. Tricia is being cold towards him and he's agonizing over it. Jessica, as usual, rags on him about dating a girl from one of "the worst families in town". Way to kick him when he's down, Jess. There's more to this story, (unfortunately), as we will see in #12 When Love Dies