#26 Hostage!

Another book with an exclamation point in the title! We all know what that exclamation point means-this book is gonna be packed with action and adventure. I'm dying of excitement. Truly.

Let's begin with the festive cover. It appears that Regina is being held hostage. It took me a few hours of careful study to come to this conclusion, but I'm pretty sure that's what's going on. I bet you can't guess who's going to come to Regina's rescue (hint: her name starts with an Eliz and ends with abeth).

For those of you who aren't in the SVH loop, Regina Morrow is the beautiful (but NOT as beautiful as the Wakefields-and don't you forget it!) deaf girl who's dating Bruce Patman. Bruce used to be a class A jerkwad and date rapist extraordinaire, but Regina's love changed him.

 Regina is supposed to be in Switzerland undergoing a "special treatment" to restore her hearing-but wait-she's back in Sweet Valley! Random character Eddie Strong was making a delivery to her home and he saw her. Per usual, Eddie told our dear Elizabeth that he saw Regina (No one can breathe in this town without telling Liz about it). Liz wonders why Regina hasn't contacted her, and when she learns that Bruce hasn't heard from her either, she gets worried.

Bruce and Liz try to go see Regina, but a mean looking lady answers the door. She claims to be Regina's aunt and refuses to let them see Regina. According to Bruce, neither of Regina's parents have siblings...so something's not right. Good old Liz actually does the reasonable thing and contacts the police. Jessica thinks Liz is overreacting-until the cops call back and say that they didn't find anything suspicious. Then suddenly Jessica decides that Liz is right, something suspicious is going on! And who better to solve the case than the Wakefield twins (and Bruce)?

Thankfully, we don't have to wait for the twins and Bruce to find out what's going on.
Cut to Regina. She's scared, and yes, she's being held Hostage! Apparently Regina's dad has been working for years on some computer chip prototype thingy and it's worth tons of cash. A "mean looking" man and a woman named Claire want that prototype, and have a pretty solid plan to get it. They tricked Regina into going to the airport, and kidnapped her from there. They're going to force her dad to call the plant manager and tell him to give the chip to Regina. Brother Nicholas is visiting someone in San Francisco and has no idea that anything weird is going on. I'm not clear on why they didn't kidnap him too. He is annoying as hell though, so maybe that's why.

Once they get the chip...well I guess they'll sell it? Would that work though..I mean if they let the family go wouldn't the dad press charges...or something? Wouldn't there be a very small selection of companies/people to sell a computer chip to? The average person isn't gonna pay big bucks for some prototype. It's not like you can pawn something like that. Maybe this plan isn't all that solid. And maybe I'm just wayyy over thinking this.

Our group of amateur detectives come up with a plan to contact Regina. Bruce disguises himself as a delivery boy for groceries, or something, and they put a note to Regina inside of a magazine. Regina thinks "If anyone could save her and her parents, it would be those three". Right. Gotta say, if my life depended on Bruce and the Wakefield twins...well I wouldn't be so optimistic.
 Regina writes back, tossing the letter out the window for them to find. Bruce and the twins sneak out (Well, they don't really sneak out. Bruce's parents are outta town, and the Wakefield parents are too oblivious to notice anything) that night and get the letter.

Regina tells them the whole terrifying story and instructs them not to call the police. Basically she's expecting three high school kids to rescue her entire family from dangerous criminals. No pressure! She mentions that she overheard a phone convo between the two kidnappers, and Claire said "money is heaven". They suspect that it's some kind of code. Mysterious!  They call Nicholas and tell him that he has to get back to Sweet Valley ASAP. Couldn't we just leave Nicholas out of this? Dammit.

Nic and Liz go to the house to spy on Regina's captors or something. How interesting that even in this perilous situation, Nic finds a way to be alone with Liz. He really is obsessed with her. Must be those "California good looks". Gag. He kisses her when one of the kidnappers drives by, so the kidnapper will think they're just a couple making out and not get suspicious. Riiggghht. Uh-huh. I'm on to you, Nic.

Nic recognizes one of the criminals as a man named Phillip Denson. He doesn't say much about Phil except "that guy's a mess". I guess that's one way to describe a kidnapper/thief. After a little more sleuthing, we find out that Regina's parents are being held at Phil's house. The Morrow's are understandably scared and angry. Skye Morrow (I've always wanted a cool name like Skye! My parents really dropped the ball on that one.) even describes Phil as "a mean little man with grandiose ideas." I would have stronger words for someone who KIDNAPPED me, but perhaps I'm just dramatic.

Jessica figures out the "money is heaven" code- it's Monday at seven! Meaning that the whole using Regina to pick up the computer chip prototype plan will happen then. Jessica credits her mystery solving skills to reading a lot of mystery novels. So if I read enough Nancy Drew, I can achieve my dream of being a private investigator? Yes!

Now they just have to figure out what to do on Monday at seven. Elizabeth's plan is for Bruce and Jessica to go to Phil's house and rescue the Morrows at seven, since Claire will be at the plant with Regina getting the chip. Liz and Nic will go to the plant (funny how Nic and Elizabeth always end up alone together in these plans) and Liz will distract Claire while Nic calls the police. I must admit, it's a better plan than I could come up with. The second I found out my friend was being held hostage, I'd probably just freak out and cry like a two year old. I'm not so good in emergency situations...

One problem with the plan-they don't know where Phil will be during all of this. I would assume Phil would be waiting outside of the plant, or at his house making sure the Morrows don't escape..I mean duh. Where else would he be at a time like that, clubbing? The beach? Then again..this is SVH. So these things are possible. They decide to have Jessica use her flirting powers to get the info out of Phil's son, Mitch.

Then they all go to the beach and talk about Ken Matthews. It wouldn't be an SVH book without a beach trip and some gossip! Ken is failing English and might get kicked off of the football team because of it. The team needs Ken to win the upcoming big game! Si tragique! 

This is clearly earth shattering news, but we still have the whole hostage thing going on..so let's get back to that, shall we? We finally learn what Phil is going to do when he gets the chip. He apparently has a man in Rio de Janerio who's gonna pay him boatloads of money for it. I'm not going to think too much into this, or I'll get a headache. (It happens every time I try to analyze SVH plots too much. I call it the "SVHeadache." I know, I really should be in medical school.) When Mr. Morrow asks what Phil's planning to do to them after he gets the chip, he advises them not to worry about it. Well, that's reassuring.

Jessica goes to Phil's place and flirts with Mitch, telling him that she's coming over Monday night. Mitch hesitates, but ultimately, Jessica's hot blonde flirting powers are too much for him to resist.

Jessica shows up that night with Bruce is waiting in the car nearby, ready to ambush the Phil and save the Morrows. Things don't go quite as planned, and before we know it, Phil is pointing his gun at Bruce, Jessica and the Morrows. Oops! Mitch, presumably driven by his lust for Jessica, lunges at his dad and knocks the gun out of his hands. The four of them escape to the car and rush to the plant, where Liz and Nicholas are waiting for Regina and Claire to come out.

Once they come out, Elizabeth desperately tries to distract Claire while Nic calls the cops. Before the police can get there, Jessica, Bruce, the Morrows and Phil all show up. Party time! Except not really, 'cause Phil is furious and ready to kill everyone. But not before he tells us why he's so angry with the Morrows! Five years ago, Kurt Morrow had Phil arrested for stealing from the company. Phil went to jail, lost his wife, and couldn't get another job. Like most people in this situation, Phil realized the most reasonable thing to do was to hold his ex-boss's family hostage and steal a valuable computer chip.

Phil intends to kill the everyone and run off with Claire and the chip, but the time he took to tell his sob story was just long enough for the cops to get there and arrest him. Everyone is saved and I'm just so relieved! They celebrate by picking up pizzas at Guido's and planning a party. Is that what real people do after a traumatic event like that? If I had just gone through all of that, I would need a strong drink, not a damn pizza.

At the party, we get a little intro into the next book Lovestruck. Basically Ken is dating some snotty chick named Suzanne (no, not this Suzanne) and she doesn't care about his budding football career. They're totally mismatched and for some reason this is the entire school's business. Can't wait to read alllllll about it!

So, you ask, what is the moral of this story? If you fire an employee for embezzling, watch your back. He might kidnap you and your family. But if you are kidnapped, don't get the cops involved, get some high schoolers to save you.

Seems legit!

#25 Nowhere to run

So I STILL don't have book #24, Memories. I thought I'd wait until I got it...then I got distracted by moving, new job etc. By the way, my brother saw my SVH collection when he was helping me move and he looked at me like I had brain damage. Which I probably do. But screw that, I miss this ridiculous blog! So, on to #25, Nowhere to Run. Don't be fooled by the dramatic title, this book is not all that thrilling.

On the cover we have Emily looking distraught and Saint Liz comforting her. So creative. I don't blame the artist. Not their fault that nearly every book involves Elizabeth comforting/counseling/patronizing someone. Emily is also wayyyy prettier than Liz. Funny how the other characters are often better looking than the legendary Wakefields on the covers.

Naturally the book starts off with the obligatory description of the Wakefield (gorgeous, heart-shaped faces, shiny blond hair yadda yadda yadda). Jessica is described as being on "Jessica Standard Time" which is a cutesy way of saying that she's chronically late to everything and too selfish too care about how that may inconvenience others. People that are always late drive me freaking nuts. Annoying.

The Wakefield grandparents are coming to town, and the twins are super stoked. (Yeah I just used the word stoked. I'm bringin' it back.) While Jessica is gushing over the upcoming grandparent visit, Liz is distracted by Droid's drummer Emily Mayer, who appears to be upset. It's like Elizabeth has a radar for people in distress. Someone is having a problem? I MUST MEDDLE! Em and Droids singer Dana are discussing the baby that Em's step mom just had. Dana thinks it must be fun having a new baby around the house, Emily (and me) disagree. Emily makes a dramatic exit, yelling about how her step mom Karen wants to get rid of her and how she won't let that happen. Liz furrows her brow and acts concerned.

Emily isn't being dramatic-Karen really is out to get her. Ever since she had baby Karrie (don't you love the K theme? Is this where Kris Kardashian got the idea?) she's been threatening to send Emily to boarding school. She's convinced Em's dad that the Droids are too wild (HAHAHAHA) and a bad influence. She's a real-life evil stepmother!

Emily joins the school newspaper to make Karen happy, and ends up pouring her heart out to Liz. Elizabeth does her typical concerned routine and it's all very touching. Yawn. Emily bores me. Liz bores me. I'm bored.

So on to the Wakefield grandparents visit! Grandpa and Grandma Wakefield are charming and perfect..and mama Alice is jealous. Yes, Alice is jealous of the attention her in-laws are getting from the twins. She dramatically tells Ned that she must have been neglecting the twins and that she feels like she's "lost touch" with them. Was she ever in touch with them? Even in the SVKids and Twins books, she wasn't paying much attention to them. The whole thing is stupid. (I don't like this book..is it obvious yet?)

Meanwhile, in Emily-land, Evil Karen is forcing Em to babysit and treating her like an indentured servant. Emily's dad seems to be totally oblivious. The one bright spot in Emily's dreary existence is her blossoming friendship/romance with Droids drummer Dan. I don't think band members dating is a good idea, but hey, I'm freakin' tone deaf so what do I know about these things. ('sobs' I'll NEVER get to be in the Droids! So many crushed dreams.)

Before I go further let me mention that Emily's mom is not dead-that's just what she tells everyone. Truth is, her mom ran off with some other guy. You don't want news like that to get around Sweet Valley- cheating is only okay if you're Jessica Wakefield.

Emily invites Dan over to show him her new drum something or other, and Karen flies off the handle. Psycho Karen screams at her and even calls her a "tramp just like her mother". Dayum. It's super awkward for Dan and he leaves. What's the first thing Emily does after this embarrassing scene? Uh-huh..she calls Elizabeth. Never saw that coming. She goes to the Wakefield home and is comforted by Grandma Wakefield, who is actually pretty likeable. A likeable Wakefield? I must be getting soft in my old age.

Em tries to talk with her dad, who refuses to believe that he married a two-faced monster. She avoids Dan and Dan confides in-barf- Elizabeth. Not a close friend, nope, of course not. Liz should really just open a counseling office at the school. I don't recall SVH having a school counselor...maybe they just figure Liz already does it, so why bother? Liz gives her typical vague, useless advice.

The poor girl is so distraught that she decides to sell her drums, hoping that it will placate Super Bitch Karen. Dan buys the drums "for a friend", because he knows she's gonna regret selling them. Aw that's sweet. I'm actually not being sarcastic.

The major dramatic event of this seemingly never-ending book is when Emily saves baby Karrie from choking. Karrie chokes, Karen starts to lose it, Em slaps her to snap her out of it and performs the Heimlich maneuver on Karrie. Em's dad walks in and sees Karen sobbing and holding the baby, and assumes that Emily tried to hurt Karrie. He acts completely unreasonable and kicks Emily out. I'm starting to understand why Emily's mom ran off with another guy.

Speaking of her mom, Emily is at her wit's end and starts planning to take a bus to Chicago and live with her mother. The plan falls apart when Emily discovers that her mom ran off to Mexico with some guy awhile ago and never bothered to tell her. More boring stuff happens. Emily ends up at the Wakefield home again. Krazy Karen and Em's dad go there to talk to her, and everything is sorted out. They apologize to Emily and they all reunite right there at the magical Wakefield residence. Dan surprises Emily with her drums, and they admit to liking each other, I guess. I wasn't really paying attention.

Throughout this engaging novel there's some more crap about how Alice is jelly over all of the attention grandpa and grandma are getting. Dumb. The twins pick up on this and have a special dinner or something to soothe Alice's hurt feelings. Once again, dumb.

Thank God this book is over. I already know the next book is gonna be much better because it involves Regina and a cray cray hostage situation! Bring it on!

Moral of this lame story? Don't save your baby half-sister from choking because your dad will blame you. Don't be too nice to your grandparents, cause' your mom will get jealous. Don't sell your drum set!

Sweet Valley Saga: The Fowlers of Sweet Valley

I don't have book #24 Memories( yet) so this is the perfect excuse to recap another Sweet Valley Saga!! This is the best SVS, in my opinion (and as a Sweet valley expert, you should trust my opinion). How could it not be the best? It's all about Lila! Well, the ancestors of Lila.

I used to love this cover so much when I was a kid. Okay, I still love it. It's so dramatic and pretty! The women on the panel appear to be (in order from top to bottom) Lili, Rose, Isabelle (or Grace? I never was sure who that was supposed to be) annnnnd LILA! When you open the cover, you see Celeste and Marc kissing, and later welcoming a baby into the world. There's Lili about to have her head cut off by angry peasants, and something else is happening in the upper left corner, but that stupid bar code blocks it. I will always resent that damn bar code.

This SVS starts off the way a Fowler Saga should-with a snobby, rich girl ordering her maid around.
 The snobby girl is none other than Lili de Beautemps, the french 1789 version of Lila. Lili's maid, Marie Oiseleur is helping her get ready for her debutante ball (I've always wanted to have a debutante ball! Is it too late to have one at 25?).

Marie doubles as Lili's childhood best friend, and her family has been working for the Beautemps for generations. Like our lovely Lila, Lili's mother is not in her life. She died when Lili was a child, and now it's just Lili and her brothers. Lili is, of course, the most beautiful girl at her ball, and she even gets to dance with the prince! Sigh, Lili is living my dream.

But not for long! History fans already know that 1789 was the start of a little thing called the French Revolution. Marie and her brother, Georges both attempt to warn Lili and tell her to leave before it's too late. Lili shrugs off their warnings and is caught by surprise when a group of angry peasants storms her home and imprisons her family. The mob than takes them to the guillotine and beheads Lili's brother and father. Before they can chop off Lili's head, Georges arrives on horseback and saves her. Romantic! Why can't a cute french guy show up on a horse and save me from the guillotine? Some girls get all the luck.

Lili's luck doesn't last long. Georges drops her off in near a small town and tells her that he can't stay with her, They gaze into one another's eyes and realize that they're in love. But alas, Georges needs to get back to revolting, and Lili has to begin a new life.

Fast forward to 1792, and Lili is a dressmaker living in a rented basement. Lili runs into an old family friend, Madame Fouchette, and is invited to a fancy rich people party. One problem...Lili's not rich anymore! But thanks to Lili's lies (she tells everyone that she's living with a well-off Aunt and Uncle) no one has to know that. At the party, Lili meets the dashing Count Matthieu Bizac.

After a few months of dating (and Lili borrowing tons of money from her BFF Babette) the charming Count proposes. They honeymoon in Italy and it's all tres romantique. But, once again Lili's luck runs out. The Count abandons her, leaving her at a hotel! Lili searches high and low, but Matthieu is gone for good. She finally goes to Madame Fouchette, who tells her that Matthieu is already married, and whatever ceremony he had with Lili was a fraud. Apparently he's done this to other women, and will probably do it again.

 So, no one decided to let Lili in on this before they got "married"? That's pretty effed up.
Even though they were never married, they "lived as man and wife" and Lili is now pregnant.

Embarrassed, Lili  refuses to go back to her old friends (Did she ever pay Babette back? I've always wanted to know, for some reason) or old job. Pregnant and alone, poor Lili struggles just to eat everyday, until the friendly Marie Chardin begins bringing her food. Marie and her husband own the boulangerie, which according to Google, is a French bakery. Things seem to be looking up for Lili, until she dies in childbirth. Before she dies, Lili names the baby Celeste and asks Marie to raise her. Lili's life was pretty damn depressing! I need a Prozac after reading that.

Hey, whatever happened to Georges, you ask?  If you're like me, you forgot all about him.
Well, Georges has been busy thriving while Lili was struggling, and is now a rich landowner. He has the property deed for Lili's old family estate and has made it his life's mission to return the estate to Lili, and marry her. In his searches, Georges finds out about Lili's fake marriage, resulting pregnancy, and death. Distraught, he vows to find Lili's child and give them their rightful inheritance.

1809. It's Celeste's 16th birthday, and she celebrates with her adoptive family, the Chardins. The book makes it clear that Celeste is incredibly beautiful "Physically, she was like a swan among more humble fowl". Nice.

Celeste won't be hanging around the "humble fowl" for much longer. She's off to work as a maid for the snotty Lafitte family and their even snottier daughter, Emilie. Emilie is a royal bitch, and just reading about her annoyed me. She even has a bell that she rings whenever she wants Celeste's help. And I thought kids today were spoiled! Her mom and dad aren't a whole lot better.

But guess who's friends with the Lafittes? Georges, of course! What a total coincidence! Even more coincidental, Georges spots Celeste and senses that there's something special about her. He begins anonymously giving her gifts and paying Emilie's tutor, Solange, to educate her. Celeste can't believe her luck, and wonders who her benefactor is.

It's been about 20 pages without any mention of romance, and that is unacceptable in a Sweet Valley book! Time for a love story! Emilie's brother Marc has been away at school, and when he returns he falls in love with none other than Celeste. They makeout a whole lot, and fall in luv. But their love can never be. The Lafittes would disown Marc if he married a servant girl! Marc doesn't care, and asks Celeste to marry him anyway. He wants to give up his inheritance and run away with her! SO ROMANTIC. It's clear that I need to move to 1800's era France. All I need is a plane and a time machine. Let's make it happen!

Celeste spoils the romantic-ness by refusing to marry Marc. She won't let him give up his fortune for her. Marc is not dissuaded, and tells his parents that he wants to marry Celeste. His parents are scandalized, and throw Celeste out of the house.

As Celeste does the 1800's version of  walk of shame, she comes across Georges, who offers her a ride home. On the way, Georges asks her about her family history and Celeste tells him about her mother's death. Things get super crazy when she shows Georges the picture in her locket, and the pic is of Lili! Celeste is the person Georges has been looking for this whole time! (Why am I so excited? I knew that.)

Celeste is now richer than the Lafitte family, and is cleared to marry Marc. If I were her, I'd want to move far, far away from Marc's awful family!

Skip to 1865. Celeste is a grandma! Her only child Claude and his wife have had a baby and named her Rose. The book reminds us that Celeste is still a great beauty in her old age (We couldn't have an ugly grandma in a Sweet Valley book, now could we?!). Even baby Rose is beautiful, with purple eyes and "flaming red hair" (Do people actually have purple eyes? I only knew one person with purple eyes, and hers were contacts).

It's now 1880 (time flies in Sweet Valley Saga world) and Rose is 15. She's also incredibly annoying. The ghostwriter tries to paint her as spirited and fun, but she's just really annoying.
Did I mention that Rose was my least favorite character in this Saga?

Rose hangs out with her BFF Pierre Oiseleur and I can't see why he'd want to be friends with her. She pushes him into doing mischievous things and throws a tantrum when he tells her that he is leaving for boarding school. Does his last name sound familiar? That's because he's the grandson of Georges, who married Celeste's tutor Solange right around the time Celeste married Marc. Pierre must have really low self-esteem (and terrible taste in women) because he's in love with Rose, who claims to not be interested in marriage (or him) at all.

Everyone from grandma Celeste to Rose's friends to me think that she is secretly in love with Pierre, but Rose refuses to admit it. The ghostwriter tells us over and over again how Rose is different than other girls. She's into politics and books! She's so intellectual and independent!
Barf. We get it.

Time flies again to 1885, and Rose is now 20. She's living on her own and attending college in Paris.
She wear pants (because she's different, remember?) and hangs around with a bunch of artists and "radicals". Pierre warns her about one of these friends, a gentleman named Leo who's known for breaking hearts. Rose declares "If he breaks my heart, so what?"
On the very next page, Rose is at Pierre's doorstep crying over Leo. He was seeing two women behind her back! "So what?" (Can't you feel all of the sympathy I have for Rose? I can't wait until her part of the book is over.)

Poor, deluded Pierre hopes that maybe Rose will see what a good guy he is, and return his love. Rose crushes his dreams and announces that she is swearing off men entirely. Time to move on Pierre, she really isn't that great of a catch.
Pierre finallllllly gets it when he proclaims his love for Rose, and she rejects him. She has doubts about it after, but pushes them out her mind. She's going to show the world what a woman can do without a man!

Jump to 1888, and Rose is heading home to see her parents, who are having a big party for the Oiseleur family. The Oiseleurs have something big to announce!
Rose spends extra time getting ready for the party, because Pierre will be there. Yes folks, Rose has at last admitted to herself that she's in love with Pierre!
Fortunately for Pierre (He seems too nice to get stuck with Rose) Rose's timing stinks. The big announcement is that Pierre is getting married!

Rose is heartbroken, and holds back tears throughout the engagement dinner and wedding. Once again, I have zero sympathy for her. Thankfully we're almost done with Rose, so I'll stop complaining soon. Rose goes on to marry an unfortunate man named Robert Eastman, and they have a child together named Isabelle.

Isabelle (Thank God) is pretty much the opposite of Rose. We don't have to hear about how "independent" and "different" she is every two seconds, and I couldn't be happier. However, the ghostwriter just couldn't resist reminding us that "at almost fifty, Rose was still a strikingly beautiful woman". Sweet Valley characters only get more gorgeous as they age! Where do I get that super power?

16 year old Isabelle goes to her first dance and meets a nice young man named Charles Doret...but the guy she really wants is (You're never gonna believe this!) Jacques Oiseleur. Yup, he's the second cousin (or something) of Pierre! These Sagas really love to pair the same families together generation after generation, don't they?

Charles and Jacques are both in the French Army, and they're best friends. Charles is such a good friend, that he doesn't mind when Isabelle and Jacques become a couple.
But 'sigh', it's 1914 and France is about to go to war with Germany! Isabelle and Jacques get married before he leaves for war, without telling her parents. Romantic!
Even more romantic, Isabelle starts volunteering at a army hospital in Paris everyday after school. Okay, so maybe that's not so romantic.

Even less romantic, Charles soon delivers the news that Jacques has died in battle. Hey, wasn't there another Jacques that died in a war? Poor Isabelle faints when she hears the news, and is utterly devastated. I actually feel bad for her, because she's not totally irritating like her mother.
After a few years, Charles asks Isabelle to marry him, even though he knows that she will always love Jacques. Charles reasons, "I'll love you enough for the both of us".

Oh Charles. That is not a good thing to base a relationship on.
It works out okay, until SURPRISE! Jacques isn't really dead! Turns out he was just a prisoner of war. When the war ends he comes home to find his wife married to his best friend. Awkward. Jacques is so mad that he gets on the next boat to America.
Charles and Isabelle are shocked, but eventually decide that they need to start over, and they move to America as well. Guess where they move? I'll give you one guess (I bet you'll never get it).

Sweet Valley!

And guess who else is in Sweet Valley? That's right- Jacques. Only now he goes by the name Jack Fowler. So you can see where this is going.
Charles is mayor of Sweet Valley, and he and Isabelle live comfortably until she sees Jack walking down the street. She nearly faints, and the town gossip, Evelyn Pierce (So being a gossip is genetic?) is right there to catch her.

According to the ever-helpful Evelyn, Jack is a "vagabond" and "poor and rough as could be". Sounds kind of sexy, amirite ladies?!? How the hell did they all end up living in Sweet Valley? Seriously, one town out of how many towns in the U.S.A? Really?

Charles has known about this insane coincidence for months, and tried to make peace with Jack, but Jack wasn't having it. Isabelle sneaks over to Jack's ranch to make amends, and he forgives her, but still hates Charles. He tells her that he doesn't love her anymore, and to go home to her husband.  So....guess things aren't going to work out between Jack and Isabelle?

We're teleported to 1952, and Charles and Isabelle have a grandchild (they had two daughters and two sons) named Grace. Charles is still mayor of Sweet Valley, and has become rich from his manufacturing company. Isabelle is "still the most strikingly beautiful woman in Sweet Valley", in case you were worried. Charles is still bitter about Isabelle's love for Jack, and is doing some kind of mayor-zoning-law-thing to block Jack from selling his ranch and making a fortune.

Jack is married to some chick named Anita and has three kids and one grandson, George. Jack is broke because of Charles' zoning-law-thing and vows "the bad blood between us will never die".

Almost 20 years later, George Fowler is an adult and starting his own computer company. He runs into-guess who!-Grace Doret on the beach, and sparks fly. He doesn't realize that she's the granddaughter of his family enemies until they go out for dinner at a clam bar (yuck). They both decide it's no big deal (And you know it's definitely going to be a huge deal). OMG it's like Romeo and Juliet!

Another minor issue: Grace is engaged to Everett Garrison the Third. Oops.
Even after she tells George this, they continue to date and fall in love. Things come to a halt when Grace's parents catch them making out. Uh oh! Her parents threaten to disown her, and spineless Grace dumps George and agrees to go forward with her wedding to Everett. At their wedding party, Grace gets some good advice from Grandma Isabelle "Marry the one you love."
I guess Isabelle should know....

Grace leaves the party to sob hysterically outside, when George appears and proposes to her!
George and Grace elope to Paris, but before they leave George's company buys out Charles' company's stock, or something like that. Charles is pissed, and he's even more pissed when he finds out that Grace has run away with George.

A number of years later, Grace gives birth to Lila (yay!) and even though her parents still aren't speaking to her, grandma Isabelle shows up to meet her great-grandchild. Jack Fowler arrives, and he and Isabelle share a sad but kinda romantic moment. They're still in love after all of these years, and Isabelle's marriage to Charles has been "a bitter disappointment". Ouch. They find comfort in the fact that now, the Dorets and Oiseleurs-I mean, Fowlers-are together again.
And most importantly, this union produced Lila Fowler, the best character Sweet Valley has EVER HAD EVER.

If you've read the SVH books (or any of my amazing, fabulous recaps) than you know that Grace and George don't stay together for much longer. George works too much, and Grace feels abandoned. George is livid when Grace takes Lila to see her parents, who have finally decided realized that seeing their grandchild is more important than a decades-old family feud. Grace is fed up and goes to stay with her parents, taking Lila with her.

In a seriously screwed up move, George sues her for custody, and as you know, he wins. Grace runs off to France, and Lila ends up with some pretty serious mommy issues.
The Saga ends with 16 year old Lila dealing with the fallout from John Pfeifer sexually assaulting her. George knows that Lila needs her mother, and asks Grace to come back and help. Grace comes back and she and George reunite! The reunion story is covered in more detail in the Evil Twin miniseries, which I cannot wait to recap because SERIOUSLY that miniseries is CRAZY.

And so, like all the Sagas, this has a happy ending. Awww, I think I feel my ice-cold heart melting. Just a little.