SVH #22 Too much in love

Well Bill and DeeDee look...mature for sixteen. Did anyone ever think to make the teens on the covers look like, I don't know teens? Me and my crazy ideas! Also, Bill looks like a pompous ass and DeeDee looks like a desperate wreck. I'm thinking that's going to set the tone for this book...

We start this great American novel with the usual "sun-streaked blonde hair" and "sparkling blue-green eyes" spiel and Ned announcing that he and Alice are going to Mexico to pick up documents from a lawyer. Clearly it's impossible for someone to mail something from Mexico to California. Impossible, I tell you!

Alice makes a point of telling the twins that she has some very important papers she has on her desk in the study. These papers are plans for some interior designer project and they cannot be replaced. So you know something bad is going to happen to those papers.

SVH is having a talent show soon, and Elizabeth is involved in planning it, (surprise, surprise). Liz calls up DeeDee Gordon to ask her to be in charge of designing the sets. Like all SVH books that feature minor characters in the main story, we need some kind of connection between the twins and said minor character. DeeDee acts kind of weird and says she needs to ask Bill before she commits to it. Liz spends about a page and a half fretting over DeeDee, wondering if she's alright, because Liz is the sensitive, caring twin dammit! And don't you ever forget that! (I may have had a bit too much caffeine this morning)

Speaking of acting weird, Todd is also behaving strangely. Now why would that be? If you've read
this , you already know.

Being a psychic, I know exactly what you're thinking. Why is DeeDee acting strange? What's going on? The suspense is killing me! Fear not, on the next page we start to find out. DeeDee shows up at Bill's house unexpectedly, and horror of horrors, he's at the library! Without her! But it's not just that incident. DeeDee has felt Bill pulling away from her for the past few weeks. It terrifies her because her parents got divorced, and according to her mother the divorce was caused by them not spending enough time together. DeeDee vows that this will not happen to her relationship with Bill.
And I quote: "Bill needs to see how much I depend on him, how much I need to be with him. Once he see's that, he'll never leave me"

Bad idea DeeDee. Not that I would know, from experience, or anything.....

We also learn, (in a convo with her BFF, Patty Gilbert), that DeeDee has given up the design classes she was taking. She doesn't want anything to interfere with her precious Bill time. She wonders to herself why Patty, who is independent and outgoing, is still friends with her. I want to make fun of Dee, (and rest assured, I will) , but I gotta say, I feel bad for her. I've been that clingy girlfriend, and it is not a good time. But enough about my problems, because....

..Jessica Wakefield is planning a party! And who cares about my issues when a party is about to happen in Sweet Valley?!? Liz is aghast at the idea- Jessica wants to have a party when their parents are gone? Who woulda thought???!? I can't wait! SVH parties are the only parties I get invited to, so I am beyond excited.

Meanwhile, DeeDee continues to be a clingmonster ,(it's a medical term), and Bill is more and more turned off. She follows him everywhere, and acts more like an obsessed stalker than girlfriend. Like many SVH books, it is almost painful to read, and I am embarrassed for her. Poor Bill is totally confused and wonders what happened to his formerly cool girlfriend. He agrees to go to a movie with Dana Larson (just as friends), and decides not to tell DeeDee because he knows she'll freak out. This is not going to end well.

Back to the party!!!! (Can you feel my excitement?) Jessica enlists none other than Lila Fowler's help with party planning, and Lila is full of great suggestions, such as inviting college frat guys. Inviting frat boys to your house is always a fabulous idea. Thanks, Lila! Jess agrees and imagines meeting the man of her dreams "handsome, rich, with a gorgeous car". Not just a nice car, but a gorgeous car. Reach for the stars, Jess.

In preparation for the party, Jessica attempts to make mini pizzas and wash the bed sheets, resulting in a fire in the kitchen and a broken washing machine. Any guesses as to why she needed to wash the bed sheets for a party? I can think of a few, but I'm trying to keep this blog PG. (ok, maybe PG-13)

In the midst of all of this exciting party planning, Jess runs into Bill and Dana Larson leaving the movie theater and practically jumps for joy. Finally, a chance to get back at DeeDee for what happened in this book ! Jess casually lets it slip to Dee that Bill was out with another girl, and of course DeeDee flips out. She corners Bill, and Bill responds by breaking up with her. Bet you didn't see that coming!

The break up is utterly devastating. I cried, I sobbed, I called in sick to work. That's how hard it hit me. Dee takes it better than I did, and after one attempt to get back together with Bill, she begins to heal and regain her self-esteem. She has an epiphany of sorts, and realizes how crazy she's been acting. She finally gets all the way back to normal thanks to Patty's scheming (for once, Jessica is not the one scheming! How novel.) Patty, with Elizabeth's help, cooks up a plan to force DeeDee to become independent again. Basically, Liz fakes sick so DeeDee is forced to take control of the talent show. This plan totally works and DeeDee's confidence comes back. In typical Sweet Valley fashion, DeeDee's issues are totally resolved within days.

Now that DeeDee is okay, it's time to party!! Yes, the party we (I), have been waiting for is finally here.

Brief summary: 19 frat guys show up, and SHOCKER, they bring beer! Frat guys bringing beer to a party? So odd. Some random Pi Beta sorority sister gets drunk, beer is spilled on Alice's important papers (I told you something would happen to the papers! Psychic.) The neighbors call the cops, and Jessica is about to be taken down to the station, when big bro Steve shows up and saves the day. So all in all, a good party! I know I had a great time.

Jessica swallows her pride and goes to the artistic DeeDee to help her fix Alice's papers. She even apologizes to DeeDee for telling her about Bill and Dana-and get this,-it's a genuine apology! Don't get too worried, I'm sure Jessica's trademark selfishness will be back in the next book. DeeDee saves the day by somehow copying Alice's design perfectly, and Elizabeth tells Dee about she and Patty's deceptive plan to make her take over the talent show. DeeDee doesn't get mad and they all share a hearty laugh. How nice.

But, wait! Alice and Ned are coming home early! Now there's no time to replace the broken vase! Jessica is forced to come clean about the party, the broken washing machine, and fire in the kitchen. Alice and Ned respond by grounding her for a month and giving her a stern lecture.

Haha, just kidding, no. They don't do a damn thing. Ned figures that Jess "has probably punished herself enough" and they drop it. No punishment whatsoever, except Jess has to pay to replace the vase. Note that any money Jessica has comes from her allowance...which comes from her parents. So Alice and Ned are essentially paying to replace the vase. Genius parenting. Now I see why Jessica is such a well-rounded, responsible young lady.

Oh, you thought this was over? Not yet! We still have the talent show! The talent show goes off without a hitch, and Bill even asks DeeDee if they can rekindle their relationship. Dee agrees, but tells Bill that they have to take it slow. But wait!  The talent show isn't over just yet! Todd gets onstage and recites a depressing poem. Elizabeth knows now that something is definitely wrong, and Todd breaks the bad news: he's moving to Vermont! I'm heartbroken, really, I am. More on Todd's tragic news in our next story, #23 Say Goodbye.

Moral of the story: don't drop everything you care about to focus on a relationship. Being super clingy and not having your own interests is a major turn-off, and you should never be fully emotionally dependent on another person. Wow...that is actually a pretty good lesson. Well done, ghostwriter.

Special Christmas

It's almost Christmas, so I'm doing this book a little early (actually I just don't have the next book, Too Much in Love yet, and I'm bored. Shhh.).

Jessica appears to be doing some type of dance while squinting one eye, and the color of her shirt is a really icky shade of pink. Elizabeth has her standard barrettes, and both twins have these odd half-surprised, half stoned looks on their faces.
This is the first of many Christmas-times to come in SVH (and they're all in one junior year, in typical time-is-irrelevant SVH fashion). This Super Special takes place a few months after Todd has moved to Vermont (Say Goodbye ) and Todd is coming back to visit all of his friends and Liz for the holidays. For some reason, Elizabeth has to make herself a nervous wreck over "where she and Todd stand" and what to get him for Christmas. Gosh, even when we think Todd is gone, they find some way to include Liz and Todd drama.

But there's really no reason to even bother with the tired Elizabeth and Todd Saga, because the real excitement is the news that Alice and Ted drop on their kids before Christmas break starts...
Suzanne Devlin is spending vacation with them!

For those who don't know who Suzanne is, she is the gorgeous daughter of some random rich friends of Ned and Alice that live in New York. Last time she came for a visit, she falsely accused Mr. Collins of sexually assaulting her, stole Elizabeth's lavaliere necklace, and was just all-around super fake bitch in Too Good To Be True.

When they get the news that the she-devil is back, Steve, Jess and even doormat Liz are all against her coming, and loudly object. The only excuse Ned and Alice have is that "she insisted". But there seems to be something more about Suzanne's visit then they are letting on.

The three of them dub themselves the "terrible trio" (SO lame) and start thinking of ways to keep Suzanne from coming and ruining their vacation. As if they don't get enough vacations. First plan is to have Elizabeth call Suzanne and try to convince her not to go. Suzy absolutely insists on coming out there and making things right, and gushes about how sorry she is, so that plan's a big fail.

The "terrible trio" comes up with another plan, they'll run Suzy out of town! And how will they do this, you ask? Simple, act like assholes towards her and ignore her until she realizes how unwelcome she is and leaves. Liz wimps out pretty quickly when she notices that Suzy seems sick, and is civil to her.
Jessica enlists the help of Aaron Dallas and others to torment Suzanne with mean "presents", such as notes with the letters all cut out from newspapers saying "SUZY DEVLIN GO HOME". Geez, guess she really rubbed some people the wrong way.

Jessica was in New York visiting the Devlins (and trying to steal Suzanne's boyfriend at the time, with bad results) during Suzanne's visit and never met her, but heard everything that happened while she was gone. Never mind that in the end of Too Good To Be True, Liz tells Jess nothing about what happened. Guess someone told her, 'cause even though she's never met the girl, she already hates her and is ready to make her time in Sweet Valley hell.

There's a dumb little side-story with all of SVH doing this "secret Santa" thing.  I've never heard of an entire school doing this. Maybe a class, but the whole school? Anyway, this results in some pretty lame displays and gifts, such as Enid's secret Santa Bill Chase having the whole swim team, (including himself), serenade her at the Dairi Burger. Or one of Lila's gifts, an issue of vogue with a ribbon around it left on her doorstep.

Oh, and Jessica is super sure that her secret Santa is sexy exchange student Hans (who?) but it's Winston Eggbert. Haha. Turns out Lila got Hans. Hans is a one hit wonder, never to be seen at SVH again.

A not-so-interesting plot twist, turns out Suzanne and Todd met in Vermont ,(where Todd now lives), when she was on vacation and they hung out for a little while. Todd has asked Suzanne not to say anything to Liz, and he's been acting weird around Suzy since she got there.

Elizabeth can sense that she and Todd aren't the way they used to be, and is ready to accept the end of their relationship. I'm sure we're all ready for that. She confides in good old Enid, and Enid's response is:

"Boy, it's kind of hard to imagine you and Todd having problems. You always seemed like the dream couple to me."
Really, Enid? No, seriously? Is she blind?

Our darling schemer Jess comes up with another plan, this time involving Aaron Dallas. Suzanne had left Aaron a message earlier, saying she wanted to take him out for lunch and apologize for her past behavior. Jessica gets Aaron to call her back and invite her to a fake party at an abandoned address in the middle of nowhere. Jess is sure this will send Suzanne running home. Liz has the standard Elizabeth Wakefield heart-to-heart with Suzanne, decides that old Suzy isn't so bad, and convinces Jess to back off.

 Butttt just as Jessica is about to cancel the Aaron Dallas scheme, she hears Suzanne and Todd chatting on the phone. She decides that Suzy only came out there because she knew Todd would be there, and she's planning to steal him from Liz! Jess is furious, because only she is allowed to steal men from her twin.

So the plan is back on!

Suzy drinks some champagne (!) with Todd and the "terrible trio". She then gets a call from Aaron telling her that she has to drive down to meet him. Suzy hesitates, but ends up taking the Fiat down to what she thinks is a party (or dance, or something? I wasn't paying attention). One minor detail here, Suzanne just happened to start taking a new medication that night. Since her doctor didn't answer her call, she assumes one drink with it is fine. But dun dun dunnn...it's not!

There's a call from the doc and all hell breaks loose. Suzanne can't even have one drink on this new medication or she might DIE! OMG. (side note-is that possible? To die from one drink mixed with a medication? I'm genuinely curious.) The Wakefields rush off to find her, and of course Jess moans about how guilty she feels. Sound familiar? Along the way we learn that Suzanne has Multiple Sclerosis and didn't want anyone to know because then they would feel obligated to forgive her.

We end up at the hospital, where Suzanne is recovering from a car crash brought on by the med and alcohol mixing. Suzy is mostly fine and she gets apologies from the twins and everyone else. Then something big happens-Suzanne doesn't have MS! She actually has some kind of central nerve infection that they mistook for MS. The Sweet Valley swim team sings 'Silent Night' and all is well. I cry tears of joy.

Oh and Todd Like Likes Suzy. And she Like Likes him back! Liz is totally cool with all of this, and everyone's happy. I don't think Todd and Suzanne's romance, (or Suzanne, period) ,are ever mentioned again.

There's also some kind of sorta-B story that ends with Jessica tricking Lila into passing out candy to kids dressed as an Elf (wearing a green trash bag, no less). I can't think of a worse punishment....Jessica is a truly evil person. Oh, the humanity!

Moral of Special Christmas? Christmas comes approximately 25 times a year if you live in Sweet Valley! Also, Christmas is the ideal time to apologize to all of the people you accused of sexual assault, stole from and lied to. I'll keep that in mind. Thanks, SVH!

Sweet Valley board game

So this is probably one of the most...inappropriate board games I've ever played. Yeah inappropriate, that's the word. Also pretty confusing. The point of the game, (I think?), is to get all of your "items". These "items" which are cards on the classroom spaces that have pictures of random stuff like a bicycle or dress on them. Every player has one big card that has a pic of the boyfriend and four pictures of the card items you're supposed to collect. There are up to four players, and you can be Elizabeth, Jessica, Lila, or Enid (yawn.). My friend picked Jessica and I went with Lila.

Confused yet? Yeah. Basically you just roll the dice and travel around and around the board in circles, picking up playing cards and item cards. The playing cards say fun things such as, "You let the maid have the day off." "Trade boyfriends with whoever you want" .

Me and my friend literally "switched boyfriends" about 50 times, because it seems like every card we picked up involved that. So much for variety. The boyfriends are Ken Matthews, Todd Wilkins, Bruce Patman and Winston Eggbert (wtf?).

Todd is of course on Liz's card, Bruce on Jessica's, Ken on Lila's, and Winston on Enid's. Clearly whoever designed this game didn't read the books, since Winston and Enid hardly even talked, let alone dated. Lila and Ken were never together as an actual couple, they just went to dances together once in awhile. (correct me if I'm wrong, my memory sucks sometimes)

But I guess it doesn't matter what guy's pic is on your big card, all that really matters is that you have a boyfriend card, (great lesson for young girls), and all of your item cards to win. I collected all of my item cards and won, probably because a few of the item cards were missing, and they happened to be the Jessica cards my friend would've needed. to win. But what matters is, I WON, dammit.

So the moral lesson in this game is that you NEED a boyfriend (doesn't really matter who!), to win at life I guess? And that people like me will blow money on anything SVH related, no matter how much it sucks.

Crash Landing! #20

We already know this is going to be a super dramatic one because of the exclamation point in the title. Oh, and the cover with Enid lying half-dead in Elizabeth's arms might be a giveaway too.

So as we learned in the last SVH adventure (you DID read my re-cap, right? ) George has been cheating on Enid with Robin Wilson. They met in their flying class, and Robin has already dumped her ex Allen Walters for George. George is planning to drop Enid as well. But before he breaks her heart, he's going to take her on his first flight as a licensed pilot since he promised her he would.

Oh, and did I mention Liz knows about all this cheating? And never tells her "best friend" Enid? I won't even begin to go into how annoyed that makes me, because then I'll be ranting for six pages. Elizabeth really gets me pissed sometimes.

George and Enid go on their flight, and yup, it ends in a Crash Landing! They land in Secca Lake, and Enid risks her life to save cheatin' George who is passed out underwater. Enid ends up temporarily paralyzed, and George walks away with barely a scratch.

Now George feels guilty, and goes to break things off with Robin, at least until Enid recovers. Jessica and Lila see George in front of Robin's house when he's breaking up with her, and Jessica suddenly acts like she cares about Enid and is all like "George is such cheating scum!". Never mind that Jessica herself is quite the little cheater.

Jessica tells Liz who pretends like she didn't already know, and Liz makes Jessica promise no to tell anyone. Jessica doesn't keep this promise, (DUH), and once she tells her friends they all decide to start ignoring Robin. I guess since Enid is seriously injured, they're on her side. I love how all of them suddenly are SO against cheating, when most of them cheat and steal boyfriends all the time! I mean, that's pretty much the plot in 90% of these books.

Robin isn't aware of the cold war being waged on her, and when she goes to sit with her friends at lunch, they all get up leaving her sad, and "looking hungrily at Cara's uneaten ice cream". Haha.
She starts to gain some weight, and thinks, "It took too long too get myself thin. I'm not going to let my figure go". Huh??? Last I checked, Robin dropped that weight in about two weeks

Probably one of the best parts of this so-so SVH book is when Enid shows up at the dance with George and Lila exclaims: "who goes to a dance in a wheelchair? One of the reasons I love Lila. She is both hilarious and awful.

Problems start right away, when it becomes painfully obvious that Robin and George are into each other. Especially when he dances a song with Robin at Enid's insistence, and they totally have a "romantic moment", making it really obvious to everyone that something is going on. Enid dismisses the whole thing the next day, acting like everything is fine.

Enid had a surgery earlier that was supposed to get her walking again, but she doesn't seem to have a will to walk. She knows that George won't leave her as long as she's in a wheelchair,so she's resigned to never walking again. At this point, George can't even hide his disinterest in Enid, making their dates very strained and awkward. Between Enid's desperate cheerfulness and George's indifference, it's almost painful to read about.

Elizabeth must step in and save the day, and of course the first step is to consult Mr.To-Catch-A-Predator (Aka Mr. Collins). She tells him about the whole Enid issue, and he praises her for her "keen understanding of human behavior"". She blushed, and I cringed a little.

After this inspirational chat, Elizabeth thinks up a plan to get Enid back to her usual boring, walking, self, involving Mr. Collins' son Teddy.
Elizabeth invites Enid over while Teddy is at her house swimming in the pool, and leaves Enid in charge of Teddy while she goes inside for a few minutes.

Teddy pretends to drown, and Enid freaks out and jumps out of the chair and into the pool to save him. OMG she can walk!! Elizabeth's little plan is revealed, and within 5 seconds Enid decides that she'll be fine without George, and that he should be with Robin. That was a quick recovery.

They celebrate Elizabeth's successful (and child-endangering) plan with champagne and wine. I thought drinking was only for high school drop outs and school tramps?

The sub-plot is (get ready to be shocked...) Jessica chasing after a guy! Oooh. Jessica's latest prey is the teacher of the cooking class she and Lila apparently signed up for in Showdown, (don't remember that), and he actually sounds pretty hot.
"he was well over six feet tall, his broad shoulders tapering to a slender waist. He had jet-black hair, and chiseled features."

Did I mention he's french and twenty six? Sign me up.

Of course Jessica is absolutely sure that he won't be able to resist her jailbait charms, and works extra hard in the cooking class to earn his admiration. She even plans to ask him to the school dance (since when were 26 year old men allowed to go as dates to high school dances????). Buuut turns out he's got a hot girlfriend already. And she can't even cook! Ouch.

Jessica actually had another motivation to become a great cook besides hot guys, believe it or not. She wants to show her family that she can cook dinner just as well as Miss perfect Elizabeth, and attempts to cook mussels for them. She doesn't cook them right, causing some major food poisoning that sends Ned, Alice, and Elizabeth running to the bathroom. Coincidentally, Jessica didn't eat the mussels, so she was spared. It's one of the only times you ever hear about a Wakefield going to the bathroom, by the way.

Ned and Alice's wedding anniversary is coming up soon, and Jessica is determined to show up Elizabeth, and get her parents the best gift ever, especially after the whole mussels incident. For some reason she thinks making them a gourmet dinner is a good idea. You think that she would lay off cooking for them, since she like, just made them sick with her cooking a day ago.

But Elizabeth ruins everything as usual by giving her parents tickets to a dinner-theater show on the day Jessica was planning to make their dinner. When she tells them about her present, they make some rude jokes about her crappy cooking and tell her maybe she can cook the next day or something. Then they go back to gushing over Liz for the rest of the book, making Jessica contemplate doing something drastic..like Runaway!

Moral of Crash Landing: don't pretend to be paralyzed to hang on to a man, especially if he's cheating on you. Well, there goes my plan to get and keep a boyfriend!

Secrets #2

Elizabeth is shocked! Just utterly shocked and dismayed! She also happens to be wearing a very unattractive salmon colored shirt. Jessica is using the Pink Phone of Evil to spread her destructive gossip and lies!

So, Jessica is majorly after Bruce Patman in this one. Guess she's not so heartbroken over Todd rejecting her in Double Love. Jess is also jealous over Elizabeth's budding friendship with Enid Rollins, who Jessica thinks is super lame and boring. I gotta agree with Jess on this.
Enid has always just bored me. Even her name is boring!

But she wasn't always boring! Enid's big secret is that she and an ex-boyfriend went joyriding stoned and hit a little boy. He didn't die, but her George got sent away, and he and Enid have been writing letters back and forth. The problem? Ronnie, Enid's jerky controlling boyfriend would DIE if he knew! Ronnie doesn't trust women because his dad was cheated on. Uh-oh, Mommy issues!

Enid confesses this to Liz during "Project C.C  Cookie". Yes, that's really what she called it when she invited Enid over to bake cookies. Alright Grandma.

Enid shows Liz some of George's letters, (which are platonic, by the way), and they start having a lame pillow fight or something. The letter gets knocked under the bed and forgotten.

So you know what happens now. Jessica finds the letter because she's nosy as hell, and copies it for her own personal use. There's a dance coming up, (surprised?), and Jess absolutely NEEDS to be queen of whatever at this dance. Enid's man Ronnie is on Prom court or student council, or something, and Jess assumes he's going to get everyone to vote for Enid (why is Enid even in the running?).

Jessica can't allow this to happen! She fixes things by dropping the copy of the letter in Ronnie's locker. Ronnie blows up and takes Enid to Miller's Point, (the teen make out destination), manhandles her a little, then screams at her about George's letters, how his dad got screwed over, all women lie, so on, then dumps her.

Enid angrily calls Elizabeth and flips out on her. Jessica's response to this call?
 "What did SHE want? Wait let me guess, she couldn't walk from the living room to the kitchen without asking your opinion on it first, right?"

Haha!! One of my favorite SVH lines of all time.
At this point, Jessica starts manipulating everyone like crazy. She get Enid even more pissed at Liz and Ronnie, and she gets Ronnie to take her to the dance. She explains this to Liz by saying that she is actually helping Enid. What? Elizabeth, dense as ever, seems only slightly suspicious of her evil twins' motives..until she finally realizes what's going on.

This quote says it all "Elizabeth was left to wonder why, if Jessica was doing her such a big favor, she was the one making all the sacrifices" Great summary of the twins' relationship in general.

Meanwhile, Enid's old letter writing friend George shows up-and he is ultra handsome AND into her! He literally sweeps her off her feet, and Ronnie is instantly forgotten. Enid and Liz make up at the dance, and Liz hatches yet another sinister plot of revenge on her twin (see Double Love ).
This time she tells everyone Jess is hot for class geek/clown Winston, not Bruce, so they all vote Win as king of the dance and Jess as queen. With Winston as her king, Jessica now must dance with him and listen to all of his terrible jokes! Pretty harsh, Liz.

The B story is about rumors involving hot french teacher Mrs. Dalton and sexy blonde football star Ken having a little after school fun. Mrs. D is dating Mr. Fowler, and his spoiled daughter Lila doesn't like that! So she starts the rumor about Ken and Mrs. D screwing around after school, and everyone totally believes her for the most part.  But don't worry, everything works out alright in the end and everyone's names are cleared.

Well except Lila's dad does break up with Mrs. D. So Lila still pretty much got her way. I really couldn't care much about this sub plot, but then again I didn't care much about the main plot either......

And one other thing, in this book it says Enid was originally brought home by Jessica (as if she would ever hang out with someone like Enid?), but ended up connecting better with Liz. In Double Love, it says Elizabeth and Enid met in a creative writing class last year. Mmm...Gotta love the sweet valley inconsistency!